


A Shift of Fate

by mewgirl1995



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Light Is Not Kira, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Rape, Canon-Typical Violence, Dating, F/M, M/M, Moral Dilemmas, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide, hidden identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:42:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13260969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mewgirl1995/pseuds/mewgirl1995
Summary: Sayu Yagami is a typical university student who discovers the Death Note, a supernatural notebook that can kill anyone whose name is written in its pages. Faced with the dilemma of whether or not to use the notebook, Sayu struggles to conceal her secret from her family and friends. Unbeknownst to Sayu, her brother's boyfriend Ryuzaki is actually the world famous detective L and he is keen on finding who out the true identity of the mysterious Kira.





	1. Chapter 1

Time ticked by slowly as Sayu set in the large lecture hall. She spun her pen around in her hand and glanced outside. As soon as class ended she needed to rush home and get ready for dinner. After a few more painful minutes, the professor ended class for the day and Sayu hurried to pack up her things. She was beyond excited for her birthday dinner and wanted to get there as soon as possible. 

"Sayu!" One of the girls in her class waved as she hurried to the door. "Do you want to get together and study later today?" 

"I can't," Sayu said with an apologetic smile. "I'm going out to dinner." 

"That's right! It's your birthday!" 

"Happy birthday Sayu!" A couple other girls chimed in as she hurried by. 

"Have a good evening!" Sayu waved at them over her shoulder before exiting the room.

As she walked down the hallway, she nearly ran into Takashi Sada. "You're in a hurry today Sayu," he said with a bright smile. Sayu nodded, feeling his face grow slightly warm. Takashi was the student council president. They had gone on a couple of coffee dates before, though it never got too serious since he was always so busy. "It's your birthday, right?" Takashi offered out a single red rose. Sayu nodded and delicately took it. "I hope we see each other during the summer." 

"Me too." Sayu bowed her head slightly. "Thank you." 

As Sayu hurried to get to get home, she spotted something moving of the corner of her eye. Behind her, she heard a quiet noise as that something hit the ground. With a surprised glance, she turned and walked over to the small black notebook lying in the grass. There seemed to be no one around who could have dropped it. As Sayu looked back and forth, she sighed and picked it up. Someone must have lost it. She tucked it away in her bag next to the rose before hurrying on her way. She could deal with it later. After all, she had more important things to do that night.

"Ryuzaki!" 

Light feigned annoyance as his sister raced past him and straight into Ryuzaki's arms. "Wow Sayu," he said with mock hurt. "You don't even greet your own brother first!" 

"I get to see you all the time," Sayu said as she hugged Ryuzaki tight. A small smile crossed his face. 

"It's nice to see you again," Ryuzaki replied, hugging her back. 

It was years ago when Sayu first met Light's mysterious boyfriend. She still regretted the way she turned to Light later and asked, "Why are you dating such a strange person? Can't you date a pretty girl instead?" 

"So I hope you got me something nice," Sayu said as she turned back to her brother and hugged him. 

"I always get you nice presents," Light said as walked past Sayu and Ryuzaki to enter the small restaurant. "Let's go sit down and order dinner first." 

"So where did work send you this time?" Sayu asked with a curious expression. Ryuzaki thought for a moment, tapping his finger against his lips. 

"If I tell you it might give away what your present is," he said after a few moments. 

"Fine then," Sayu said. "Light! I bet you'd be happy to hear that I'm tenth in my class."

"Only tenth?" Light asked with a teasing smile. "I thought tutoring you throughout high school helped more than that." Sayu glared at him as she flipped through the menu. "I'm kidding." He leaned over and ruffled Sayu's hair. "Good job." She swatted his hand away.

"I'm not a little girl anymore," she said. 

"Of course not." Light set his present on the table and pushed it over to Sayu. "Here." 

"There's a 30% chance it's a book of poetry," Ryuzaki said quietly with a small smirk as if he and Light shared some inside joke. Light glared back at him.

"It's not." 

Regardless of what it was, Sayu hurried to rip the paper off. "A journal?" Sayu asked, flipping through the empty book. 

"Use it to write down any ideas you have throughout the day, things you need to remember and stuff like that." 

With a smile, Sayu traced her fingers over the golden flowers on the front of the journal. "Thank you, Light." 

Ryuzaki set a small, plainly wrapped box on the table. Sayu was quick to grab it and pull the white wrapping paper off. She stared inside the box to see a silver chain and attached to a small silver cage. As Sayu lifted the necklace up, she saw the brilliant blue pearl inside of the necklace. "It's so beautiful!" She pushed her hair aside and hurried to put the necklace on. "So where were you then?" 

"Vietnam." Ryuzaki closed the menu and pushed it aside. "It is lovely there, although very hot and humid this time of year." 

Admiring the pearl, Sayu's smile grew. It glittered in the light as she twisted and turned it in her hand. "Thank you Ryuzaki." 

Dinner crept by with comfortable conversation. Sayu laughed as she listened to Light's stories from the NPA. She watched with a happy warmth in her chest as her brother exchanged glances with Ryuzaki. Sometimes the best thing about going out to dinner with them was just seeing how happy Light was. Before he met Ryuzaki, Sayu was worried about him. He still performed well in school, but he seemed more distant. She leaned her head on her hand as she finished up eating. It was a good thing that they had met. Sayu hoped nothing would ever change between them. 

"It's getting late," Light said after he paid the bill. "We should get home." 

"Yeah I suppose so," Sayu said as she stood up. "I still have to wake up for school tomorrow, but summer's so close." Her eyes lit up as she continued, "We could go on vacation!" 

"Perhaps." Ryuzaki smiled. "We'll have to see, what do you think Light?" 

"As much fun as it would be to have to drag you around with us," Light said with a small smile. "I think work will still be very busy over the summer." At Sayu's slight pout, he continued, "Maybe a small weekend getaway Sayu." 

"It's a promise then," Sayu said as the three of them strolled out of the restaurant. She turned and beamed at them. "I'll see you later!" 

When Sayu arrived home that night, she had forgotten about the notebook until she saw it in her bag. "I should figure out who this belongs to," she said aloud. Sitting down at the desk, she pulled the book out and stared at the white letters on the front. "Death Note?" Flipping the book open, Sayu scanned the words inside and read, " 'The human whose name is written in this note shall die.' " Eyes wide, Sayu continued, hand tracing down the rules written on the inside cover. "What is this? Some sort of occult book?" Scrunching her face in disgust, Sayu pushed the notebook aside. "I should throw this out."  

Yet, she didn't. Instead, Sayu ignored the notebook. She pulled out her new journal and set it on the desk, smoothing her hand over the cover. Looking to the corkboard by her desk, Sayu smiled at the photos. Scattered across the board were pictures of her and her friends, her and family. Her eyes fell on several of her, Light, and Ryuzaki. With a smile, Sayu touched the new necklace. She was lucky to have such a wonderful family.

 

 

Curled up on the couch with his head in Light's lap, L sighed. "What is it?" Light asked as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

"It's nothing," L said as he rolled over to face Light. He raised an eyebrow and brushed a few strands of hair out of L's face. "I feel bad." 

"Why?" Light asked. 

"I find myself worrying about deceiving Sayu about my true identity," he said quietly. "Will I have to lie to her forever?" Light rolled his eyes. "What? Is it silly of me to worry that when she does find out she will be mad?" 

"You lied to me about who you were." 

"Yes, and you were very angry when you found out." 

Considering his point for a few moments, Light fell quiet. He returned his hand to stroking L's hair and then said, "I guess, but Sayu isn't me." He smiled slightly. "She adores you. If she found out now, it wouldn't be a big deal." 

With a slight smirk, L said, "Are you saying you didn't adore me when I told you who I was?" He thought back to the quiet night as snow drifted from the sky when Light kissed him and L unceremoniously revealed his true identity. 

As a smirk crept across Light's face, L suspected he had also thought of that memory. "Maybe you have a point. I did feel a bit betrayed, but Sayu will understand. Unlike me, she doesn't expect that you have an obligation to share everything about yourself." 

Despite Light's reassurances, the worry still lingered in the back of L's head. He had been debating back and forth on whether or not to inform Sayu of his true identity for months. They were family. Soichiro knew who L really was. Though on the other hand, he kept Sachiko in the complete dark. As L sat up and chewed on his thumb in concentration, Light sighed. 

"Hey," he said quietly, pressing a kiss to L's neck. "Stop worrying." Turning his head slightly, L pulled Light to him and kissed him, smiling as Light wrapped his arms around his waist. "You've been gone for almost a month. Haven't you missed me?" 

"Yes I have." He smiled as Light nuzzled his face against his neck, kissing him softly. "I always miss your company when I'm gone." 

"I miss you too," Light said. "It's like there's a hole in my life when you're gone." He looked embarrassed as he continued, "I think that hole was always there. I just didn't notice it until you came along and filled it."

Warmth filled L at Light's quiet declaration. "I know. I've felt that way as well." He turned and straddled Light, pushing him back as he kissed him. "You'll never be without me. I promise."     


Humming quietly, Sayu finished up her last assignment for the semester and stretched after submitting it online. She had some summer projects of course, but for the most part, she was free for the summer. There were lots of things she wanted to do with her friends. Turning to go grab something from the fridge, Sayu screamed when she saw the creature standing behind her. "Hey," The monster said, raising a clawed hand. Sayu screamed again and scrambled away, pressing herself against the wall. 

"What are you?" She cried out, searching for a weapon of some sort. She spotted an old baseball bat laying near the couch. 

The creature ignored her and glanced over at the black notebook on her desk. It laid open since Sayu had been looking at it earlier that day. "Huh? You haven't written a single name." 

Rushing to the bat, Sayu snatched it up and swung at the monster. The bat slammed into his arm and splintered. Sayu dropped it and ran away, hiding behind the couch. She needed to call someone to help her. Her first thought went to Light. He would know what to do. 

"Hey, you're pretty freaked out." The monster laughed, pressing a hand to its ugly face. "Don't worry kid." Flashing a smile at her, the creature continued, "I'm the Shinigami Ryuk." He pointed to her desk. "I dropped that book into the human world." 

The notebook was the cause of Ryuk's appearance. Sayu stood shakily and walked over to her desk to grab the notebook and offer it to the shinigami. "Then take it back and leave!" 

"Why? It's yours now. It became a part of the human realm the minute it touched the ground." Ryuk titled his head with a curious look. "Aren't you going to use it?"

"Use it to kill people?" Sayu asked, voice rising in surprise. "No way! I don't want to be a shinigami!" 

"You're just borrowing the power," Ryuk said with a dismissive wave. "But I don't care. As long as you keep that book I can hang around here. The human world is way more interesting than the shinigami realm." With a shrug, Ryuk gestured to the Death Note. "You can give it to someone else if you really don't want it. I'll have to erase your memories though." Sayu looked at the notebook and back to Ryuk. Was that really happening? Was she really staring down a god of death?

"No," she said. "I have to keep this. If I gave it to just anyone they could just kill anyone they wanted." 

"That is the point of a Death Note." Ryuk plucked an apple from Sayu's table and ate it with a pleased sigh. "Apples really are better in the human world." 

Wondering if she had suffered from some sort of mental break, Sayu stared down at the Death Note in her hands. "I have to keep it then," She said. "But does that mean-"

"As long as you keep that book, I'm stuck to you," Ryuk said. "But don't worry, only those that touch the notebook can see a shinigami." Nodding, Sayu turned and placed the notebook back on her desk. "Got any more apples?" 

It was surreal as Sayu paced over to the fridge and pulled out three more apples. Ryuk gulped them down quickly. Trembling, Sayu stared ahead at the shinigami. She should have never picked up the book. At least, she would be able to prevent anyone else from ever using it.  


	2. Chapter 2

It would have been obvious to anyone that Sayu was nervous. She strolled back and forth before the cafe as she waited for Ryuzaki. She continually shot glances at Ryuk, waiting for him to disappear. After the first week of him being there passed, Sayu realized that she truly wasn't imagining things. "So who are we waiting for again?" Ryuk asked, looking around. "Your boyfriend?" 

"My brother's boyfriend," Sayu corrected quietly when she was sure no one would hear her. "We go out to lunch sometimes when Light's at work." 

Before Ryuk said anything else, Sayu was relieved to see Ryuzaki walk up. "Why do you look so unnerved?" He asked immediately. Sayu winced. Nothing ever got past Ryuzaki. 

"School's just stressful, that's all."

"Isn't it summer vacation?" 

"Well we still have homework!" 

Ryuzaki stared at her with a suspicious gaze. "If something's bothering you-"

"It's really nothing," Sayu said with a small smile. Finally satisfied with her answer, Ryuzaki nodded. "Let's go sit down! You can tell me about your adventure in Vietnam." 

"You know very well that I can't tell you all the details," Ryuzaki replied. 

Since Light wasn't there to mock her, Sayu opted to eat lunch Ryuzaki's way and ordered a piece of cake to go with his. He sat in the booth across from her in his usual hunched up position with his feet on the seats. Though he was staring at Sayu with a very serious look. "What?" She asked. 

"I wanted to have lunch with you because I wanted to ask your opinion on something," Ryuzaki said. 

"Sure," Sayu said with a smile as she ignored Ryuk, who floated near the table curiously watching the scene. 

"I want to marry your brother." 

Sayu choked on the water she was drinking and coughed briefly. Her eyes brightened with excitement. "You're going to ask Light to marry you?" She said, voice in a high-pitched squeal. "Oh that's amazing!" 

"So you think it's a good idea," Ryuzaki said, still looking very straight-faced. 

"Absolutely!" Sayu nearly leaned over the table in her excitement. "I remember when he first started seeing you how happy he was!" She leaned her head on her hand and recalled with a growing smile, "He would come home really late and I'd ask what he was up to and he always reacted so strongly." Putting on her best impression of her brother, Sayu said, " 'I was just studying with a friend. We ran late. No, I'm not bringing him over. No, stop asking me if I'm in love with him!' " Ryuzaki smirked. "I think he fell for you really quickly." 

"Did he?" Ryuzaki asked as his smirk shifted to a softer smile. He had his thumb pressed to his lips and looked deep in thought. 

"So have you picked out rings yet?" Sayu asked. 

"No, not yet."

The waitress brought their cakes over and Ryuzaki took a large bite of his as Sayu continued, "I could help if you want. I know that Light would probably want something small, not too flashy." 

"Yes, I would prefer that as well." 

"Though I'll also have to work on my speech to inform everyone about how you fell in love." 

Ryuzaki tilted his head slightly. "Speech?" 

"Yeah for the wedding!" 

Taking another bite of the cake, Ryuzaki shook his head and said, "We won't have a wedding." Sayu's eyes widened in shock. 

"What?" She asked. "How can you not have a wedding?" 

"It's because-" Ryuzaki began then broke off. He looked out the window and then glanced back to Sayu. "Weddings are a waste of money." She shot him a sour look as she took a bite of her cake. "There was a study done once that found a strong correlation between couples who spent huge amounts of money on their weddings and those that got divorced." 

"Then have a small wedding," Sayu said. "Just us even! That would satisfy me." 

Ryuzaki nodded, sucking on his fork. "I'll think about it." 

After they finished lunch, Sayu headed back home. She didn't really have any more plans for the rest of the day. "You humans sure talk a lot," Ryuk said as he flew beside her. "It's interesting I guess, but I thought we'd never get outta there." 

"I don't get to see Ryuzaki much," Sayu said. "He's always busy." 

"With what?" Ryuk asked. 

"His job, he travels a lot." 

"Huh, what's he do?" 

Sayu paused. She glanced up at Ryuk with an annoyed expression. "I don't know all the details. It's boring to talk about work all the time." Though she actually didn't know anything about what Ryuzaki did. For some reason, he never told her anything about his job. As they walked, a TV playing in the window of a store caught Sayu's attention. 

"We're live at the scene of a police standoff in a botched bank robbery attempt," The reporter said with a grave expression. "The robber has several hostages and has threatened to kill them if the police do not let him go." Ryuk chuckled. 

"What an interesting situation." 

Sayu watched with a tense expression as the report flashed the criminals name and photo across the screen. She clutched her bag close. After learning the true nature of the Death Note, she kept it with her at all times. It would be easy to write the man's name and kill him. 

"You thinking of using it?" Ryuk asked. 

"I can't," Sayu said, tearing her eyes away to continue walking. "I would be a murderer."

"You'd save other people's lives though," Ryuk said. 

"That doesn’t make murder moral." 

With a quiet hum, Ryuk continued, "Tell me, would you use that Death Note to save your own life?" Sayu glanced at him with a confused look. "The first difference between you humans and us shinigami is why we use the Death Note. For us, when we kill a human we gain half of their remaining lifespan. It doesn't work that way with humans. Though for us shinigami, we need to keep killing humans to keep ourselves alive, so tell me Sayu, would you kill someone to save your own life?" 

"I don't know," Sayu said. "I can't say if I'm not in that situation." 

"Do you want to the know the second difference between humans and shinigami," Ryuk asked. "Us shinigami can see every human's name and lifespan." Sayu glanced up at Ryuk and she could have sworn that his red eyes glowed. "You could have that power too if you wanted. It'll cost half your lifespan though." 

"If I'm never going to use the Death Note, I don't need it." 

"Suit yourself, just letting you know." 

When Sayu got home, she took out the Death Note and stared at it. There was so much power in that one little book. Shaking her head, Sayu tucked the book away again. She couldn't use it. She couldn't become a murderer. With a sigh, Sayu leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling. 

"Hey, let's play that video game again. You're not busy are you?" Sayu glanced over at Ryuk who pointed to the Nintendo system. "It was fun." 

The shinigami at least didn't seem malicious. He was just an annoying ghost, following her around unbeknownst to everyone else, for the rest of her life. Eventually, Sayu would have to tell someone about the shinigami, but she worried about showing anyone the Death Note. It would be very tempting for anyone to use. She thought about Light, who sometimes lamented at how awful the world was on particularly bad days. While she didn't want to think her brother could become a murderer, Sayu was unsure whether or not she would want to let him see the notebook. Though there was also Ryuzaki. What would he think of the Death Note?

"Are you listening?" Ryuk asked. 

"Yeah." Sayu stood. "We can play video games I guess." 

It didn't matter. Sayu had no reason to tell anyone about the Death Note and she figured that at least for a while longer she could shoulder the burden by herself. 

Shifting slightly, L watched as his companion stared down at the photographs and case files before him. They were all from his most recent case. Twirling his hair around his finger, Near glanced up with a cocky smile. "This is too easy. I thought you only took more difficult cases."   

"I take cases that interest me," L said. "So, if it's so easy then tell me the answer." 

Gesturing to the photo of the first victim Near said, "She was clearly poisoned." 

"What about the bruises on her neck?" 

"They're from a post-mortem injury." 

L nodded approvingly. He had been sure to not give Near the autopsy report and without it, Near came to the exact same conclusion that L had. 

"Though I suppose poisoned isn't the right term," Near said. He pointed to bite marks on the woman's wrist. Most of the police officers failed to notice them. "She was bitten by a snake." He pointed to the other pictures. "So were the other victims, all in the similar places. Then, the killer made their deaths seem like they were caused in other ways: stabbing, drowning, strangulation, etc."

"What's the reason? Why would the killer do this?" 

"All of the victims had been bitten on their wrist or hand, places that you wouldn't expect if the killer was just going around throwing snakes at people." Near pulled over another photograph of a wealthy store owner. He gestured to baskets in front of the store. "They were all reaching in to retrieve something and were bitten that way." Near tapped on the woman in front of the store. "The police didn’t suspect her. They thought because of apparent murder techniques she was too weak. However, she was the culprit all along. She framed her husband by killing his competitors and those he disagreed with as well as the woman he was cheating on her with." 

"Anything else to add?"

For a brief moment, a sad expression crossed Near's face. He pointed to the picture of the murderer. "There are bruises on her arms and neck. They're somewhat obscured by makeup and clothing, but even without them, she looks tense standing next to her husband. She was abused by him. Perhaps in her mind, she was justified because if her husband was arrested then she would be free from him." Near shifted his hand back to his hair and twirled another piece around his finger.

Leaning back in his chair, L smiled. "Correct." 

While L hoped that Near wouldn't need to replace him for a while, he was glad that he had a contingency plan. His successor's training had gone quite well. While L was uncertain whether or not Near was the best choice, he was relieved that he did choose him. Though he had no doubt that Mello could have filled his role just as well.  

"Still, this case took you a month?" 

"The hardest part is always convincing the local police that you're right," L said with a sigh. He looked to Near and added, "I think I should let you handle a couple of cases and really test your skills." 

Pushing the case files aside, Near pulled his stack of cards over, idly stacking them. "That's alright with me," he said. "Though it seems like a smart plan to try to spend more time with Light Yagami." L's lips nearly twisted into an embarrassed smile. 

"Maybe," L said. "Regardless of my reason you should be fully prepared to take on the mantle of L. You need more practice working with others." Near glanced at his card tower with a small smirk. "What? Are you suggesting I don't work well with others?" 

"No, but I suspect we have similar difficulties."

Finishing his tower, Near stood and walked over to the nearby bookshelf. While L had mostly work related items in his office, he also saved room for a few personal photos. One of which was of Light at his graduation. The other was of Sayu, Light, and L. Despite L's protests, Sayu took their picture with her phone and sent both him and Light copies. She also dragged him into a photo booth, insisting on taking funny pictures. That little strip of pictures sat next to the others, taped to the frame of a picture of Light and L that Sayu had also taken. 

"What's his sister's name again?" 

"Sayu," L said. "She's only a few years older than you. I could introduce you when I do tell her that I'm L." With a quiet sigh, L chewed on his thumb. "When I eventually work up the courage to tell her." 

"Do you really have to?" Near asked. "It doesn't matter does it." 

"I suppose not." L shrugged. "But it bothers me." 

"I guess it would be hard to hide it from someone so close to you," Near said. He sent the photographs one last lingering look before turning to walk away. "But maybe some secrets are best kept." 

"Maybe they are." 


	3. Chapter 3

There was absolutely nothing in the fridge. Sayu chewed on her lip, a little annoyed. She closed the door and opened the freezer door though there was nothing in there either. "I can't believe I forgot to go grocery shopping," She said as her stomach growled. "I was too busy hanging out with my friends." 

"Yeah the beach is a pretty fun place," Ryuk said as he searched the counters. "You're out of apples too!" 

"Maybe I'll run to the convenience store nearby," Sayu said. "It's not too far away." She glanced at the clock. It was almost ten at night. "It'll be quick." Walking to the door, Sayu grabbed her coat. 

"So you'll get more apples right?" 

Rolling her eyes, Sayu nodded. As she walked, she hurried along, not making eye contact with anyone. The convenience store's bright fluorescent lights were a welcoming sign. The woman behind the counter nodded to her. Strolling along the aisles, Sayu picked out several cups of Ramen and then threw in a bag of apples as well. She hurried out of the store and turned to head back home. Few people were out that late at night. As she walked she spotted a familiar face. 

"Sayu, you're out late," Takashi said with a smile. 

"I needed to get some food," Sayu replied. She shyly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "When I'm busy I always forget to go grocery shopping." There was another young man with Takashi that she didn't recognize. "I don't think we've met?"

"Eishii Utsumi." He extended his hand to her. "You're quite pretty." 

Feeling her face grow warm, Sayu nodded. "Thank you. I should probably get home but it was nice meeting you." 

"Going already?" Takashi caught her wrist. "Why not come with us? We were thinking of going to some nightclubs." 

Again, Sayu pulled away. "Maybe another time." To her horror, Takashi grabbed her wrist a second time, pulling her over. 

"You've always been a bit of a prude," Takashi said. His smile looked sour. "Never wanting to go any further after our few dates." Sayu's eyes were wide in surprise. He whirled her around and slammed her against the wall, grabbing her other wrist to pin her, flinging her bag off of her shoulder. The groceries spilled out on the ground. 

"Let go of me!" Sayu screamed as she tried to kick out at him. "I don't want to do anything with you!"

"You're letting your beauty go to waste," Eishii said. He reached over, groping her chest. Sayu screamed and struggled harder. 

"We just want to have a good time with you." Shifting his grip, Takashi held Sayu's wrists together in one hand. He trailed his other hand down her body. Eishii's hands were on her pants, undoing the button and zipper.  

"Stop it!" Sayu cried out again. She tried to rip free. All she needed to do was get to the Death Note. Would she kill to save her own life? Screaming again as hot tears ran down her face, Sayu struggled hard. It would take a matter of seconds to write their names down. 

"Stop being so difficult." Takashi slipped his free hand under her shirt. The touch of his skin disgusted Sayu as she continued to kick and scream. Her throat burned.  

"Help!" She looked to Ryuk, but the shinigami did nothing, only watched. "Help me!" 

When Takashi forced his mouth onto hers, Sayu bit his lip, watching as he yelped and jumped back, letting his grip on her loosen. She managed to pull away, but Eishii grabbed her around the waist before she could run. Her tears streamed down her face as she kicked and screamed. Sayu heard quick footsteps and she looked up in time to see a foot connect with Eishii's cheek. Sayu fell forward, tumbling to the ground. She raised her eyes to see Ryuzaki standing protectively before her. 

Spitting out blood, Eishii looked back with a cold expression. "Who the hell do you think you are?" 

"I think it would be in your best interest to leave," Ryuzaki said calmly, though his expression was furious. Sayu had never seen him so angry before. 

"This is none of your business," Takashi said, stepping forward again. There was panic clear in his eyes. It would be bad for his reputation if his crime was found out. "Leave." When Ryuzaki did not move, Takashi threw a punch at him and Sayu gasped in surprise. Ryuzaki stepped aside easily and just like before spun his leg around, hitting Takashi square in the back of the head to knock him to the ground. When Eishii tried to punch him, Ryuzaki easily took him down a second time. Sayu winced at the sound of his head cracking against the concrete. Blood trickled down his face as he shakily got to his feet again. 

"Scary," Ryuk said and Sayu glared at him. "What? I don't interfere in human's lives." 

Trembling, Sayu looked back to Ryuzaki and watched as her would-be rapists fled. For a moment, Ryuzaki looked as if he would chase them, but he turned back to Sayu. The rage in his eyes disappeared as he crouched down beside her. He almost reached out, but hesitated, clearly unsure if he should touch her. Sayu lunged forward, hugging Ryuzaki tight as she cried into his shoulder. "Are you alright?" Sayu shook her head. Hesitantly, he returned her hug, smoothing his hand over her ruffled hair. "You need to file a report." Again, Sayu shook her head. She was unsure of what to say. "Sayu. Come back to our apartment, you can tell Light. Him and your father can handle this." 

"I can't." 

Even to Sayu's own ears, her voice sounded weak and pathetic. "You knew them didn't you?" Ryuzaki asked, realization slipping into his voice. 

"No." 

"Don't lie to me." His voice was stern. "At least come back to our apartment for a bit, okay? You don't have to be alone."

"Okay." Ryuzaki pulled away from her and gathered her groceries back into her bag as Sayu shakily rebuttoned her pants and stood. Her knees wobbled as she stood there, mind scarily blank. Ryuzaki offered his hand to her and Sayu rushed over to wrap her arms around his arm, tucking her head close. 

When Ryuzaki opened the door to his apartment it was still dark. He flipped on the light and guided Sayu inside. She sat on the couch and tucked her knees up against her chest, burying her face in them as she cried. Ryuzaki pressed a soft kiss on the top of her head before he went to go find Light. Her brother's footsteps pounded against the floor as he raced into the living room. 

"Sayu!" She raised her head, tears staining her face. Light cradled her face and searched her eyes with a desperate look. "What happened? You have to tell me everything!" Sayu shook her head again. What would everyone think? How could she file a report against the student council president? Light looked back at Ryuzaki. "Did you get a clear look at them?" 

"I did." 

Light nodded and kissed his sister's forehead. "Let's call dad. You can tell him what you saw." Even if Ryuzaki knew their faces, Sayu was sure it wouldn't be enough to prosecute them. "Sayu, just rest here for a little bit okay? Then we'll take you home." She nodded, curling up tight. 

After a few moments, Sayu heard the quiet footsteps of someone else approaching and felt a blanket being wrapped around her. She raised her gaze and meet unfamiliar dark eyes staring back at her. The young man's expression was solemn. "Would you like anything?" 

"Who are you?" Sayu breathed out quietly, voice trembling. 

"My name is Near," The man replied quietly. He looked away as he twirled a piece of hair around his finger. It was bright white, like snow. "I'm an associate of Ryuzaki's." 

"Oh." Sayu leaned her head back down, pulling the blanket tighter around her. Near disappeared from her sight. She heard quiet rustling in the kitchen and then Near returned with a small mug of hot chocolate. "Thank you." She took the cup from him and sipped the liquid. It filled her with a comforting warmth. Near sat in the nearby armchair, one leg up to rest his head on. He absentmindedly stacked the dice on the table, creating a small intricate tower. Sayu watched with wide curious eyes. "So you're on a business trip?" She would give anything to have a quiet, normal conversation to calm her pounding heart. 

"No, Ryuzaki is just training me." 

Nodding, Sayu hugged the mug close. It wasn't as sweet as when Ryuzaki made it. "Ah, so how long will you be staying?" 

"Probably not much longer." Near's eyes darted to her briefly. "You're Light's little sister right?" Sayu nodded. "Ryuzaki has pictures with you in his office. He must like you quite a bit." Warmth spread through Sayu at the small comment.

"We're family." Sayu sipped some more of her hot chocolate with a small smile. Near nodded and did not say anything more. 

After a while, Sayu heard the bedroom door open again. "Sayu," Light said quietly as he walked back over. He grabbed his jacket and began putting it on. "I'm going to go to the station. Ryuzaki can take you home." 

"Okay." Sayu set her half-finished mug of hot chocolate back down on the table. As she stood to leave, she looked to Near who nodded politely to her. She was struck by his serious gaze. It reminded her of Ryuzaki, though Near almost seemed more intense. Ryuzaki held out his hand and Sayu took it, clinging to him. He slung her bag over his other shoulder. 

Before leaving, Ryuzaki looked Sayu in the eyes were a serious stare and told her, "Call if you need anything." She nodded and watched as the door closed. 

Almost immediately after his departure, Sayu realized what she needed to do. She turned bag in hand and went to her desk. With a deep breath, she reached in and grabbed the Death Note. 

"You're going to use it?" Ryuk asked. 

"You could have stopped them!" Sayu snapped at the shinigami. His blank expression only infuriated her more. 

"Like I said, we're not allowed to meddle in human affairs," Ryuk said with a shrug. Clenching her hands, Sayu turned away from the shinigami. "So, you're going to kill those two guys?" 

As Sayu reached for a pen, she knocked over the small cup, spilling her pens everywhere. She took in a sharp breath. It wasn't too late. She could stop. She didn't have to become a murderer. Then, she thought of the fear she felt. She thought of Takashi sitting behind her in many of her classes. She thought of having to watch him lead events and she wondered if it was the first time he ever treated someone like that. Was it the first time he tried to rape someone? With shaking hands, Sayu picked up the closest the pen.

"Murder is wrong." 

Sayu touched the pen to the blank page of the Death Note. She felt dizzy, staring at the white page. In the back of her mind, she wondered what Light would do. He wouldn't kill anyone, right? Then again, as she grew older she saw his disillusionment with the world. He would understand what she was doing. 

"But if I'm making the world a better place. If I keep this from happening to anyone else, then I'm doing a good thing." 

Sayu's hand shook violently as she wrote out the first few characters of Takashi's name. Ryuk watched with a smile on his face. What would Ryuzaki think? Surely, he hated them for attacking her. He had a furious expression on his face and for a moment, Sayu worried he was going to kill them in order to protect her.   

"The ends justify the means." 

Sayu wrote the two names and looked at the clock. According to the rules, the two men only had forty seconds to live. As those forty seconds passed by, nothing happened. Sayu dropped the pen before slamming the book shut and pressing her hand to her mouth as tears slid down her face. She felt sick, but it was already done. She had become a murderer. 

"You know Sayu," Ryuk said as she cried. "Humans who use the notebook are cursed with fear, pain, and misery." His eyes glowed in the dark of the apartment. "And I'll be the one to write your name in my notebook." Sayu nodded, though she continued to sob quietly. 

 

 

 

 

"I can't believe they're just not going to do anything!" Light's hands were clenched as he paced back and forth across the living room. 

"Sexual assaults tend to be one of the most under-prosecuted crimes," Near said from the kitchen table as he worked on his tower of tarot cards. "Many people often get away with it due to flimsy evidence or the victim's unwillingness to report-"

"L saw everything!" Light yelled back. "There is no flimsy evidence!" 

"Yes, but Sayu refused to say who they were even though it was clear she knew them," Near said. "Without that evidence, rape prosecutions in Japan go nowhere." 

With a sigh, L stood and walked over to Light, brushing his hand against his cheek. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let them get away." In the moment, L was far more concerned for Sayu's safety. What he should have done was just incapacitate both of the criminals by bashing their heads against the concrete. 

"It's not your fault," Light said quietly as he pressed his hand to his forehead. "I'm just frustrated with all of them, with the whole damn legal system! Scum like that shouldn't be free out on the streets!"

"I know," L said. "That's why I work around the law when it fails." Light looked to him with an exasperated gaze. Leaning forward, L kissed him, smoothing his hand over his hair. "You should get to work though." 

"Can you go check on Sayu?" Light said as he pulled L into a hug. "Mom and Dad are really worried about her." 

It had been a week since the incident. Sayu barely returned anyone's calls and turned Light down several times for offers to go to dinner. She had withdrawn within herself. "I will," L said with a nod. "Maybe Near can come too. It'll help in his training to better work with people." Near scowled slightly at L, but didn't protest. 

After kissing L once more, Light headed out the door. Once he was gone, Near said, "Perhaps she wants to be alone." 

"Then we'll go say hello and leave her alone," L replied. "But we're still going to check on her." 

"Fine." 


	4. Chapter 4

It took Sayu almost five minutes to answer the door. When she finally did open the door, she looked surprised to see them. "Ryuzaki?" She asked. "What are you doing here?" 

"We came to check up on you." 

Sayu glanced at Near and then nodded, stepping back inside her apartment. She tried to smooth down her messy hair with her hands. "I'm alright," She said quietly. 

L begged to differ. Sayu always woke up early in the morning, yet it was almost nine and she looked like she had just gotten out of bed. Her eyes were bloodshot, further confirming his suspicions that she wasn't sleeping well. On top of that, Sayu's normally pristine apartment was a mess. He gingerly poked the tower of pizza boxes on the kitchen table. 

"Your house is a mess," Near said bluntly. Sayu blushed and looked away, clearly embarrassed. "I don't think you are alright. It would be reasonable to assume you're suffering from post-traumatic stress and depression." 

"I'm not," Sayu said. 

"Have you even left the apartment?" L asked. 

As Sayu began to answer, her eyes darted briefly around the apartment before she met L's gaze and lied, "Of course." 

With his hands in his pockets, L walked back over to her and smiled slightly. "Liar," He said and poked her nose. "You know you can't lie to me Sayu. I have an 100% success rate when it comes to telling whether you're being truthful or not." 

Lowering her eyes, Sayu sighed and the fake smile dropped off of her face. "I've been scared to go out," she said. "I know it's stupid but-"

"It seems like a perfectly reasonable fear," Near interrupted. "But your brother insisted that you are cared for so we should probably all go for a walk." 

"And go grocery shopping," L added as he glanced at the pizza boxes. "You will get scurvy if all you eat is pizza."

Once showered and changed, Sayu looked a bit more put together. However, she was much quieter than normal. She rarely met L's gaze and kept staring at her feet as they walked through the store. It was almost as if she was ashamed. He watched as Sayu filled a bag with apples and put it in the cart. What could he say to comfort her? Leaning on the handle of the cart, L pressed his thumb to his lips. 

"What are you thinking about Ryuzaki?" Sayu asked. 

"What have you always wanted to do but have never gotten the chance to?" L asked. Caught off guard, Sayu frowned at first but then she considered the question.

"I've always wanted to go to Kyoto, but I guess I've never had the time." 

"Then let's go." 

"What? But it's three and half hours away even if we do take the train!" 

"That's fine, we'll make a trip of it." 

Considering the offer, Sayu offered a genuine smile and nodded. "Okay." 

The ancient city of Kyoto was a breathtaking sight. L stared at the buildings with wide eyes as they entered the city's center. Sayu looked absolutely ecstatic. "Let's go this way! I want to visit the bamboo forest first!" 

"Bamboo forest?" Near asked as they followed her. 

The stalks of bamboo stretched far higher than L had expected. He stared above himself as they walked through. Near followed his gaze upward. "Isn't it beautiful?" Sayu walked between L and Near. "I've always wanted to come here." 

"I didn't know they could grow so tall," Near admitted quietly. "It is beautiful." 

"Can you hear the stalks swaying?" Sayu said. "Isn't it a peaceful sound?" She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, listening to the sound. Near imitated her posture and he smiled. "It's relaxing." Humming quietly, Sayu leaned against one of the railings, still tilting her head back. She opened her eyes and stared at the sky. "I love it here. I wasn't sure if I would ever get to go." 

"It is very relaxing," Near admitted. He leaned next to Sayu, twirling a piece of hair around his finger. The wind picked up, blowing through their hair and increasing the soft sound of the bamboo swaying. 

"A place like this makes you feel so small," Sayu said. "Like you're a part of something much larger than yourself."

"Everyone is a part of something much larger than themselves. That is what society is," Near said. "Some just choose to lock themselves away and pretend to live in their own world. It's safer that way." Sayu opened her eyes and looked to Near with a surprised look. "When you are a part of something larger than yourself it's easier to get hurt. No one but yourself can protect you from other human beings."

"You sound like you know what it's like to lock yourself away," Sayu said quietly. 

"I do." 

L watched with a small smile as the pair of them chatted. He had never seen Near get along with someone so easily before. Though over the years, L had been working on his social skills with him even if he wasn't the best mentor himself. Sayu laughed and turned, leaning closer to Near on the railing. The wind continued to rustle the bamboo in the background. Slipping his phone from his pocket, L went to take a picture, right as Near smiled slightly at Sayu. 

"You look like a young couple in love," L teased. 

Blushing, Sayu looked back over at L. She spotted his phone and stood up straighter. "Hey! Are you taking candid photos of me?" 

"You take pictures of me all the time," L said. "Against my will." Sayu pursed her lips and looked away.

"Whatever."  

"Well that was a fun day out!" 

Sayu ignored Ryuk as she walked over to her desk. It was almost ten at night. She sighed and sat down, resting her head on her arms. 

"What's with the long face? Didn't you have fun?" 

"I guess," Sayu said quietly. 

Sayu shoved her textbooks off of the Death Note, which she scrambled to hide when Ryuzaki and Near unexpectedly showed up. She flipped it open and stared at the pages full of names. Over the course of a week, she had filled two pages. When Sayu woke up the morning after the incident, she saw her news feed on the computer filled with stories about acquitted criminals. That spurred her to use the book again. The Death Note was a temptation and once she gave into it, Sayu found she couldn't stop. She had killed almost a hundred people. One nice day out wouldn't lift that burden completely from her mind. 

Sayu picked up her phone and looked at the picture she swiped from Ryuzaki. She was smiling and so was Near.  

"Is he going to be your boyfriend?" Ryuk teased. 

"Who would want to date a murderer?" Sayu asked.

"So is that a no?" 

"I don't know Ryuk." 

"It's not like he needs to know about the Death Note." Glancing over at the shinigami, Sayu considered his point. "You're keeping it secret anyway? Who cares?"

Sayu set her phone back down. She thought about Near, wondering more about his relation to Ryuzaki. They seemed close. Ryuzaki said they worked together. Sayu peeked at the phone again. She admired the small smile on Near's face. While his expression was plain, his eyes shone. Did he like her? They barely knew one another. Sayu sighed. She sat up and reached for the Death Note, searching for more criminals. It was becoming harder to kill only those acquitted from their crimes. Sayu hoped it wasn't a slippery slope, but she began to include those who received very light sentences for their crimes. Putting a pen to paper, Sayu slowly began to write the names, glancing at the pictures of criminal after criminal. She worked late and filled a quarter of another page. 

Closing the Death Note, Sayu repeated with tears in her eyes, "The ends justify the means." For the first time, she was beginning to believe that sentiment. 

"Kira?" 

"Yeah, the person who's killing off all those criminals!" 

Sayu looked across the table at her friends. "Oh, they're talking about you!" Ryuk said with a gleeful grin.

"You don't think it's just a coincidence?" Yukari asked. She grabbed her smoothie and sipped before continuing, "How could one person kill hundreds of people with heart attacks?" 

"They say Kira must have some sort of power," Mahiko said. "It started a few weeks ago. How else could you explain hundreds of criminals dropping dead?" With a huge smile, Mahiko continued, "Kira is a hero. He's taking care of all the bad people in the world!" 

"If he's even real," Yukari said. "What do you think Sayu?" Clenching her fists, Sayu stared down at her lap. "Sayu?" 

"I have to go!" Sayu leaped up from the picnic bench and bowed to her friends briefly before hurrying to leave. 

"Huh, people really like you," Ryuk said with a chuckle. "You're doing good in the world, right?" 

"I don't want people to worship me," Sayu said, shooting a panicked look at Ryuk. "I need to be more careful! Maybe I could only write a couple names a day until people stop noticing." 

With each passing day Sayu found it easier and easier to fill the Death Note's pages. She branched out from just Japan, searching for criminals across the world. Despite the ease of using the Death Note, Sayu didn't want to get carried away. The thought of people worshipping her filled her with disgust. She sighed and hurried along, glancing in store windows as she walked to try to keep her mind off of the Death Note. Kira. It was just another word for killer. As Sayu passed by an art store, she backtracked, having caught a familiar sight of white hair. 

The bell chimed as Near walked out with a small bag. He spotted Sayu right away. "Hello," he said. "What are you doing lurking out here?" 

Sayu's face grew hot. "I just saw you in the store," she said as Ryuk laughed. "I wasn't lurking!" Having said that, Sayu peeked at his bag. "What did you buy?" 

"Some origami paper and a few puzzles," Near replied. He continued on his way, not waiting for Sayu to walk by his side. 

"I didn't know you did origami," Sayu said with a small smile. 

"It helps me think when I'm working." 

"Oh, so you and Ryuzaki will be leaving soon then?" Sayu's smile disappeared. She had gotten used to Ryuzaki being around again and was looking forward to getting to know Near better.

"Not likely," Near said. "It seems our job is here in the Kanto region."   

"Oh, that's good! So we can still hang out!" Near glanced at Sayu with a surprised look. His eyes searched her face. "You should give me your number. We could text each other." 

"I suppose," Near said as Sayu held out her phone. "I will be busy with work." 

As they reached a crossroads, Sayu turned to go down a different street. "I'll see you later." Sayu held her phone tight in her hands with a small smile. "I'll text you." 

"Okay. Goodbye Sayu." His eyes were warm despite his straight-faced expression.

As Sayu walked away, a smile spread across her face. "You and your brother have a type don't you?" Ryuk said as he flew along. "Strange, eccentric men who never smile."

"They smile plenty," Sayu said quietly. "It's just subtle." 

"So, what are we going to do now?" Ryuk asked. 

"I need to go work on homework," Sayu said. "Summer's halfway over. If I don't get working now. I'll fall behind." 

"But what will I do? It's so boring watching you do homework!" 

"When you whine like that it's easy to forget you're a god of death," Sayu said. "You can just watch TV." 

"Fine."  

An alert blared from the TV, startling Sayu. She looked over to see a man in a suit sitting before a camera. "Huh?" Sayu stood and walked over to the TV. "What are you watching?" 

"Dunno, this just showed up," Ryuk said. He grinned. "But it looks like it might be interesting. It said it's a worldwide broadcast." 

"My name is Leith Wright. Otherwise known as L," The man said. His eyes were sharp as he continued, "Criminals around the world are being killed by a serial killer. This is the most atrocious case of murder in history." Sayu bowed her head. L was right. "I will not rest until the person or persons are brought to justice. Kira, I will hunt you down and find you."

"Looks like he's determined to find you," Ryuk said. 

"It makes sense," Sayu replied with tears in her eyes. "I am a murderer." 

"Kira, I know what your motivation might be and what you hope to achieve. However, what you're doing right now is evil." 

Clenching her hands, Sayu turned away. A few tears rolled down her cheek. "I know that. You don't have to tell me." 

"You aren't going to do anything about this?" Ryuk asked. He sounded genuinely curious. 

"No, I won't kill an innocent person with the Death Note." Wiping away her tears, she turned back and stared at the screen one final time. "Could you turn that off?" As she returned to her desk, she looked at her phone with a heavy heart. She pulled up the picture from the bamboo forest and stared at it for a long time, wondering what she had become.


	5. Chapter 5

The plan failed. L bit his thumb hard. Surely Kira was killing the criminals because he had some sort of a god complex? If calling him evil didn't force him to kill Leith Wright what would? Would Kira actually stick to his plan of only killing criminals? "Maybe Kira isn't real after all," Matsuda said. "I mean, wouldn't he have acted out?"

Light glanced at the camera and L stared back, trying to push away his frustration. "Kira is real," L said, speaking into the microphone. "There is no way that many criminals would die of heart attacks on their own."

"We don't have any evidence that Kira is real," Soichiro said, agreeing with Matsuda. "If Leith Wright had been killed then-"

"Look at the evidence," L interrupted, speaking into the microphone. "It's clear that Kira is real."

"You're frustrated," Near said. He was folding little swans, placing them around L's computer. "The Japanese police will be able to tell."

"It should have worked," L said. "No person would genuinely refuse to kill someone who threatened to capture them. That speech should have forced Kira's hand." L swiped his thumb over his lips and narrowed his eyes. "Though, by not acting, Kira is making people doubt his existence, thus making him harder to catch." L picked up the microphone again with a grin. "If anything, this just shows us how smart Kira is," L said to the Japanese police. "Kira refuses to let his existence be confirmed. He's purposely doing this to keep us from investigating. We will find a lead. I promise." With those words of comfort, L pressed another button to speak to Watari. "We need to broadcast my follow up message."

"As you wish," Watari replied.

Taking a deep breath, L said, "Well played Kira. You realized that I was attempting to draw you out of hiding. That man was not actually me. In fact, he was a criminal whose execution was scheduled for today. His arrest was conducted in absolute secrecy to prevent you from killing him before our broadcast. You could attempt to kill him now I suppose. Now that you know he is not innocent."

Near smirked slightly. "And then you would prove to the Japanese police that you are real."

"Even if you did not attempt to kill me, I maintain my previous sentiments, Kira. You are evil and I will bring you to justice. Let me tell you this much, I have already narrowed down your location to the Kanto region of Japan. I lied when I said that it was a worldwide broadcast. All of the criminals who died in the first few days of your killings were contained within the Kanto region, many having been reported on the local news. No matter whether you hide from me or not, I will defeat you."

Leaning back, L closed his eyes. What did he learn about Kira from their new engagement? One thing, in particular, stood out. Kira did not think of himself as a god like those who created his name, his identity. Kira would not kill those who stood in his way. L opened his eyes, bringing his thumb to his mouth as he thought.

"Kira thinks what he's doing is wrong," Near voiced L's thoughts before he got the chance to. "Yet he does it anyway."

"What kind of person are we dealing with?" L wondered quietly. His phone began to buzz and he lifted it up to his ear to answer. "Yes, what is it?"

"Leith Wright has is still alive," Watari said.

"Interesting," L said. "I suppose Kira isn't going to reveal himself. Thank you, Watari." With a frustrated sigh, L snapped his phone shut and tossed it aside.

For the sake of convenience, L used the smaller apartment adjacent to his and Light's for his operations in Tokyo. That allowed him to separate work and home life just enough for him not to be consumed by work, which was Light's biggest complaint when he had cases in Japan. As he returned to his apartment, he grabbed several donuts from the counter and ate them, deep in thought.

"L." Light's tone was grave. The door clicked shut behind him. "Please tell me Leith Wright died of a sudden heart attack." L shook his head, biting into the last bit of donut. With a relieved sigh, Light dropped into the chair beside L. "What are we going to do about this? Everyone at the NPA doubts the evidence."

"I see."

"I tried to convince them, but no one wanted to listen. Even if they did think Kira was real, a lot of the detectives were scared that they would be next!" Light slammed his hand on the table in frustration. "This is the largest case of mass murder in history and they don't want to investigate because they might die!"

"It's alright," L said as he laid his hand on Light's. Raising his eyes, Light's expression softened. He smoothed his thumb over the back of Light's hand. He curled his fingers around Light's and raised their joined hands. "Even if the NPA is somewhat unwilling to investigate, I am three of the world's greatest detectives." He pressed a kiss to Light's hand. "And you are the fourth. We can solve it ourselves."

While Kira was a looming threat, his refusal to kill non-criminals eased L's nerves enough to go through with his original plans. He stood, tugging gently on Light's hand. "What is it?"

"You'll see."

The suspicious look on Light's face made L all the more excited. He led him to their bedroom and pushed open the door. On the bedside table were two candles. "What are you up to?" Light asked as he walked over to them. He picked up the matches and lit both of the candles. As his eyes scanned the room, looking for something obvious, L pulled the small box from his pocket. "Is this supposed to be some sort of riddle? What game are you playing?" Light turned to face L again. His eyes widened slightly, looking from the box to L's growing smile. "What is that?"

"Light Yagami," L said quietly. "I know I am not the best with words, which is why this is likely not as romantic as I would hope." He flipped open the box to reveal the two white gold wedding bands. "I want you to marry me. I have never found anyone who-" Light didn't even let L finish his sentence. He cupped his face and pulled him into a kiss.

"Anyone who completes me like you do?" Light questioned before kissing L again. The box clattered to the ground as L wrapped his arms around Light's shoulders to pull him closer. "Anyone who is my intellectual equal? Anyone who loves me as sincerely as you?"

"Yes," L said. "You are the romantic one." To that, Light kissed him again and again until the room was spinning.

 

 

 

Going back to university was worse than Sayu could have ever imagined. All around her there was constant gossip about Kira. She walked quickly, head down as she tried to avoid all of the whispers around her.

"The police aren't investigating the case, they must think Kira's unstoppable!"

Sayu clutched her bag closer, eyeing the nearby group of men. She hurried around the corner, determined to make it to her classroom.

"The violent crime rate has gone down by almost twenty percent!"

Another small group of women chatted by the classroom door.

"What do you think Kira's like? I bet he's handsome."

Sayu felt sick as the group of them giggled.

"Kira is still murdering people, even if they are criminals!"

Even inside the classroom, people were talking, enraptured by the phenomenon that was Kira.

"Don't criminals deserve to be murdered?"

Why did it feel like there were a thousand different voices in her head? Kira was wrong. Kira was right. Kira was a god. Kira was a murderer. Kira. Kira. Kira. Sayu clamped her hands over her ears and rested her head on the table. She felt sick after watching L's broadcast. Sayu wasn't confident that L understood that she wouldn't hurt innocent people. She hoped that after the broadcast, the detective would bore of her.

"Your phone's ringing," Ryuk said and Sayu faintly realized she hadn't felt the vibrations. 

Turning her head slightly, Sayu pulled her phone out. It was Near. She frowned. Over the past week, they had texted a few times with the younger man being mostly cryptic. He asked her about puzzles and not well-known books, almost as if he was testing her. She answered it, laying her head back down on the cool desk. "Hi Near."

"Do you want to go out to lunch?" He asked without even a simple hello.

As Sayu was about to answer, she heard another pair of classmates idly chatting. "Kira is interesting for sure. Would you kill criminals if you had a power like his?"

"Yes," Sayu said, quickly standing and heading for the door.

Much like Ryuzaki, Near chose to eat at a small, infrequently visited café. He sat in one of the corner booths, stacking a deck of Tarot cards. As usual, he wore the pure white silk pajamas. "Hello Sayu," he said as she approached. "I'm sorry for such late notice, but I had to get out for a while."

"Why?" Sayu asked as she slid into the booth across from him.

"Light and Ryuzaki are arguing," he said. "It's infuriating."

"Arguing?" Sayu asked. She leaned forward with worry clear in their eyes. "But they're engaged now, surely they aren't arguing about the wedding or-"

"They're arguing about the Kira case," Near interrupted. Sayu felt sick. Of course, it had to be about Kira. "Light said a simple comment suggesting that Kira may have had some things right and then it erupted into a full-blown screaming match after Ryuzaki insinuated he had the ideas of a serial killer." Sighing, Near placed the final two cards on the top of his tower. "Those two forget reason when they argue. They were close to blows when I left."

"What do you think of Kira?" Sayu asked cautiously.

"Kira is a murderer," Near said. His expression remained plain. "That's obvious by the very definition of the word. I don't think Kira believes he's a god. Ryuzaki agrees with that." Near peered around his tower at Sayu. "Kira knows what he's doing is wrong and I suppose I can respect that. The ends justify the means, I suppose." Sayu drew in a sharp breath. "Though murderers still need to be captured and brought to justice or else there's no point in having laws at all."

"Interesting," she said, desperate to change the subject. "Do you know how to do tarot readings?"

"Of course."

In almost a flash of an eye, Near neatly disassembled his tower and shuffled the deck. Sayu watched with wide eyes. He laid the deck between them, sliding his hand across the table to spread the cards out. Sayu felt her heart pound as she glanced from the deck to him and back again. "I take three cards right?" Near nodded. "Okay." With a hesitant smile, Sayu grabbed the three cards and set them before her. "It seems like you wouldn't be into something like this. You don't seem to be a superstitious sort of person."

"Reading tarot cards isn't about magic," Near said. "It's about reading people, reading their reactions." His eyes flickered up and met hers. "It's psychology." She gulped as he flipped over her first choice. "For your past, you chose Justice." He hummed quietly to himself. "It usually signifies a search for the truth and a conscious awareness of your actions."

"I guess that's true," Sayu said as Near's eyes leaped to hers. Even if he hadn't just said his intentions, Sayu would realize he was judging her every reaction. She felt uneasy and regretted trying to change the conversation using the tarot cards.

As Near flipped open the second card, Sayu's face grew hot. "The Lovers," Near said. A hint of a smile spread across his cheeks. "I suppose that doesn't need explaining." Ryuk chuckled and Sayu sent him an annoyed glare. "Though it could also mean that you're establishing who you are as a person, making permanent decisions and such." He flipped over the last card. "The Hanged Man."

"That looks a little ominous."

"It represents self-sacrifice in attempt to learn more about one's self." Near collected the cards. "What do you think?"

"I bet any of those readings could be used to convince anyone of a supposed future," Sayu said. Near studied her expression, pulling his leg up to rest his head on his knee. He twirled a piece of hair around his finger. "Here's a better question," Sayu said, leaning forward over the table. "I know that you didn't want to be around Light and Ryuzaki when they were fighting, but is that the only reason you wanted to get lunch with me."

"What do you think?" Near asked and his expression was almost shy. "I find you interesting."

"Me? Really?" Sayu cursed herself for sounding so surprised.

"You're certainly not a genius by any means." Sayu wasn't sure if she should be offended. "But you possess a genuineness that is intriguing." He looked away, placing his hand on the table. "Ryuzaki said that I need to work on my interpersonal skills so I thought I would start with you."

"What a flattering statement," Sayu said with a roll of her eyes. As she reached out and brushed her fingers against Near's, he pulled back. He didn't like to be touched suddenly, Sayu noted to herself.

"Do you not have class right now?" Near asked. "I just remembered that you go to university."

"Uh," Sayu said, eyes darting back and forth.

"You're ditching."

"I am not!"

"You're lying."

With an exasperated sigh, Sayu looked away. "I was just frustrated. I wanted to get away from it all for a little while."

To Sayu's surprise, Near's eyes softened. He reached out slightly, just barely brushing his fingers against hers. Even that slight touch brought a blush a Sayu's face. "I understand."

"We should take a picture to commemorate our first date," Sayu said and reached out slowly enough to give Near a chance to pull away. When he did not she laid her hand over his. His eyes darted from their hands back to her face.

"Date?"

"What else would you call it?" Sayu leaned her head on her other hand, smiling. "You asked me out to lunch."

"I guess if you go by such a loose definition-" Near began to say as Sayu stood and moved to sit next to Near, keeping her hand laid over his. He broke off and stared at her.

"We can sit next to each other," Sayu said. "And hold hands." While he seemed hesitant, Near let her interlace their fingers. She fished her phone out of her pocket with her other hand. Leaning close to him, she took a picture.

 As she shifted in the seat, her foot knocked into her bag. It tumbled off the other side of the booth and spilled its contents onto the floor. "Your bag fell," Near said.

"Stupid bag, the latch on the front is broken." She released Near's hand to go over to collect her belongings. Near joined her, gathering up a few textbooks. Sayu's heart skipped a beat as she saw the Death Note laying out on the floor, fully exposed. She quickly snatched it up before Near could touch it.

"Is that your journal?" Near asked with a smug expression. Sayu paled and shook her head, shoving the notebook into her bag. She was lucky that Near was not the teasing type as he dropped the subject.

"I should probably get going." Sayu stood, clutching her bag tight as she thought of the Death Note. He had been inches from touching it. What would he have thought of her? She didn't deserve any of Near's affection. Before she could help it, there were tears at the corners of her eyes.

"Oh, alright." Near stood as well. "I suppose I will see you later?"

As Sayu pulled away, Near looked like he might reach out to grab her hand, but he didn't. "Thank you for lunch!" She turned on her heel and raced from the restaurant.

As she got home, Sayu slammed the door behind her and pulled the Death Note from her bag. "I hate you," she said to it before throwing it across the room. "You ruined my life!" Leaning against the wall, Sayu slid to the ground. "I can't keep doing this." Her heart pounded at the thought of Near finding out she was Kira. Surely, he would be horrified.

"I've never heard of humans being this conflicted over the Death Note," Ryuk said. "You're certainly something."

"Are you saying my morals are holding me back?" Anger spread throughout Sayu. "Why? Would it be better for me to be happy with being a mass murderer?"

"Eh, I don't really care. It just seems like humans are either all in or all out," Ryuk said. "I'm just watching the game. I don't care how you play it."

"A game? This is all our lives are to you?" Sayu shook her head. "Our lives mean something, Ryuk! We try hard every day to strive to be our best. We fight for our lives, our happiness!" Staring at her hands, Sayu shook her head. "I'm doing everything I can to try to protect that! If I don't use the Death Note, more people could be hurt. They could be attacked. They could be killed! If I do use the Death Note, then I'm a murderer."

"So you're killing to save everyone then?"

Gasping, Sayu shook her head. "I guess! I just don't know how to feel. What I'm doing is wrong, but I can't stop doing it, especially when I see all the good I'm doing!" Sayu curled up, laying her head on her knees. "I want to be happy again. I don't want this burden."

"You could always give the Death Note away," Ryuk said. "Remember? You'll lose all memory of it."

For a few moments, Sayu considered it, but then she shook her head. "I won't curse anyone else with this." Walking back over to the Death Note, Sayu sighed. She picked it up, running her hand over its cover. "I should be stronger." She took in a deep breath and with conviction in her voice said, "I am not a god, but I do have the power of one and I need to take it seriously, starting with not bringing this with me everywhere." Even if Sayu continued to be Kira, she had to conceal it from everyone she cared for. They wouldn't understand. "Every action has its own consequence. I will make my actions count for the better."


	6. Chapter 6

After two months of investigating, the NPA pulled their support from the Kira investigation. "We have no leads, no suspects, nothing," The deputy director of the NPA, Koreyoshi Kitamura said. He leaned forward, meeting Soichiro's eyes with a stern expression. Light clenched his hands as he continued, "How can we even trust that L knows what he's doing?"

"Calm down," L said softly. He watched the private meeting through the security feed in Kitamura's office. Though, he could only speak to Light via the earpiece. "We knew this was inevitable."

"The Kira killings need to be taken seriously," Soichiro said. He kept his expression plain, but L noticed the determined look in his eyes. "Kira is killing hundreds of people, week after week and we-"

"We can't do anything about it. Kira has also proven no threat to our officers so far. I have heard many worries that if we keep prodding then Kira will attack us." Kitamura shook his head. "There's no public support either! Haven't you watched Sakura TV lately? Kira's amassed a cult following."

"Anyone who refuses to investigate because they're afraid of Kira is a coward." Light broke his silence with a strained expression. It was clear that he was struggling to keep his composure. He glared at Kitamura as he continued, "Furthermore, just because the public supports a serial killer doesn't mean we need to give up attempting to apprehend that serial killer. We have a duty to protect people, even if they are criminals."

"How do we even know there's a serial killer?" Kitamura said. "The investigation hasn't proved anything. I don't see why the ICPO was so quick to trust L's judgment. All we have for proof of Kira's existence is the death of Leith Wright, which occurred hours after that broadcast. That in itself isn't even proof. Maybe he just died from the stress of knowing he was about to be executed! I see no reason for us to continue investigating based on L's word alone."

Before Light could respond, Soichiro stepped in and said, "I can assure you, Kitamura, sir. L is an excellent detective. He has helped us solve cases many times and I have no doubts that if he says Kira is real, then he is right."

"Anyone can be wrong," Kitamura said with a dismissive wave. "Maybe L hasn't messed up before, but pursuing this case any further would be idiotic. I'm sure there are better things we can all do with our time. L would be a fool to continue chasing this nonsense."

Near snickered as Light's expression shifted. "Kitamura's done it now."

"You have no right to say that!" Light yelled, taking a menacing step towards Kitamura. "Do you even remember how to perform investigations, Kitamura? Or is your method just to give up when it becomes too hard? L is a brilliant detective. He's worth far more than any of you here at the NPA and if he says Kira is real, then Kira is real. You are all cowards and fools and-"

"Light." Soichiro laid a firm hand on his son's shoulder.

"You don't have to defend my honor Light," L said with a fond smile. "Unless you are that keen on getting fired from the NPA."

"My apologies sir," Light said, forcing a look of regret on his face. "I just feel very passionately about this case."

"More like he feels passionately about his fiancée," Near said. L noticed that he was busy texting someone on his phone. It didn't take much to guess that who that someone was.

Kitamura narrowed his eyes and then turned away. "The Kira investigation is closed," he said.

With a heavy sigh, Light turned and followed his father from the room. L closed the video feed but left the audio open. He chewed on his thumb as he listened, "Light, I know you're disappointed," Soichiro said. "But there's nothing we can do. Even without the NPA, I'm sure you and L will be able to find Kira. If there's anything you two need, then I can do my best to assist you."

"Thanks, Dad," Light said. "I just can't believe that he's giving up this easily."

"I know." The tone of Soichiro's voice suggested that he was likely giving Light a comforting squeeze on his shoulder. "Let's not worry about this right now. We could talk about happier things, like your wedding?"

"Later, I'm going home early."

With that said, Light turned the earpiece off. L leaned back in his chair, smoothing his thumb across his lips before grabbing the plate of cake next to his laptop. "Should we retire early too?"

"I suppose. We won't get much further today." Near stood and was already heading toward the door before he finished speaking. "I will return later."

"Are you going on a date with Sayu?" L said with a small smirk. "How many does that make now?" Near glared at him. "Should we postpone Light's and my wedding just a little so we can get married beside you and Sayu? That would save a significant amount of money."

As he twirled his hair around his finger, Near said, "Weren't you the one who wanted me to interact with others more? Mocking me will only discourage me from continuing."

"May I make a gentle suggestion?" L said, glancing in Near's direction. "It's one that Light's made to me many times." Near narrowed his eyes and nodded slightly. Though he looked worried when L smiled.

 

 

 

A warm breeze blew Sayu's hair back as she waited, pacing before the front of the park. Around her, the trees were beginning to change into their warm fall colors. It always seemed a little morbid to her how the leaves looked so beautiful when they were dying. She smoothed down the wrinkles in her dress.

"You know what's interesting?" Ryuk said. He was watching several couples across the way. "How much effort you humans go to change clothes all the time? Though not all of you seem to." He chuckled and glanced at Sayu's dress. "Think you're overdressed?" Sayu narrowed her eyes at him, but before she could say anything, she heard footsteps approaching. She turned and smiled as Near walked up to her. He didn't meet her gaze, staring instead at the ground. "Huh, I was wrong."

Instead of his normal pajamas, Near wore black dress pants and a very light blue polo shirt. He tugged at the collar, glancing up just a bit to meet Sayu's gaze. "You look cute," she said with a smile.

"Ryuzaki made me wear it," Near mumbled before heading down the walking path around the pond. Ryuk snickered and Sayu glared at him.

"Be quiet during my date," she whispered. "Or no apples for a week!" That comment shut Ryuk up immediately.

Hurrying back to Near's side, Sayu linked their arms together. "Were we going to ride those boats?" Near pointed to the boat rental store at the edge of the pond. "Is that why you wanted to come here?"

"No way," Sayu said, shaking her head. "Legend says that any couple who rides in those boats are doomed to break up."

"That's ridiculous," Near said.

"It's completely true! My friend Yukari has had multiple dates here and on each one, they rode the swan boats. She thought it was cute and didn't know about the curse. Every single boy she came here with broke up with her."

With a wry grin, Near said, "Maybe she's just an unlikeable person."

"Sometimes you're an unlikeable person and I haven't broken up with you," Sayu said and then continued the story, "That temple overlooking the pond is dedicated to Benzaiten. She's a goddess of everything that flows."

"That seems obscure."

Shaking her head, Sayu pointed to the ripples in the pond. "Not at all. She's the goddess of water, of time, of knowledge. Things like that. Though the legend says she becomes jealous of the lovers at the pond and curses them. So that's why we can't ride in the boats."

Humming quietly, Near tugged on Sayu's arm. "Let's go ride in them anyway." She glared at him. "I don't believe in that myth." At Sayu's exasperated sigh, Near continued, "I won't break up with you." He had a thoughtful look on his face as he continued, "I'm a clingy person." Warmth spread through Sayu at that comment.

"Fine," she said with a smile.

Without hesitation Near picked out one of the swan boats. Though he looked confused as they got in. "Why does it have pedals? Aren't you supposed to row?" Sayu laughed and shook her head. 

"Have you never ridden in a pedal boat before?" At her comment, Near looked slightly embarrassed. He twirled his hair around his finger and glanced away. "It's okay. It's not that hard."

Together they got the boat off into the pond, pedaling slowly. Leaves fell from the trees, dropping onto the water's surface. Sayu watched the ripples with a smile. She turned to Near, who was staring at her. "I've never seen you tie your hair up before." Sayu shifted her hand, touching the purple ribbon she used to pull her hair back. "You look different."

"You could just say I look cute," Sayu teased. Surprised, Near glanced away, though Sayu saw the light blush across his face. She had caught him off guard with her comment. "Hey, Near, when's your birthday? Let's do something fun together."

"It was in August."

"You should have said something! I would have gotten you a present." Feeling a bit bold at that moment, Sayu curled her fingers together with Near's and continued, "Like a birthday kiss?" She pressed a finger to her lips and winked at him, feeling her face grow hot from embarrassment. "Too bad."

"Are you insinuating you want to kiss me?" Sayu admired the way he kept his expression neutral, though he did squeeze her hand.

"Would it be your first kiss?" Sayu asked, leaning forward a bit. Near glanced away and pulled back.

Frowning, he lowered his head, hair falling over his eyes as he said, "No."

"What's wrong?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Near?"

"He's dead anyway." Near pulled his hand away, shifting in the boat to stare across the pond. He twirled his hair around his finger, avoiding Sayu's gaze. Deciding not to ask, Sayu stared down at her lap. She wished the conversation hadn't turned so sad. Before she got the chance to say anything, Near said quietly, "His name was Mello."

"Mello?"

"I always admired him," Near said. "I'm not sure if you could call it love. We never had the chance for that. Mello liked to pick fights. He was always jealous of me for no reason. I was unable to explain my feelings for him, so I just kissed him." Sayu's eyes widened in surprise. "We never spoke of it again. Two months later he died in a motorcycle accident."

"I'm sorry."

As the silence continued, Sayu trailed her hand across the water, watching the ripples spread out from her fingertips. She wondered how many of the people she killed had family members who missed them or lovers who would never get to kiss them again. Tears stung at her eyes. Was she really doing the right thing?

"Sayu. Let's go on more dates," Near said quietly.

"More dates?" Sayu asked with a laugh. She was relieved that the tense moment was over. "Okay. I'll go on as many dates as you want! First, we have to pedal back to shore. I think the time's almost up for the boat rental."

Even when Sayu returned home, her heart felt light. She hummed to herself as she walked into her apartment. "Finally! That was so boring!" Ryuk immediately when to the couch and turned on the TV, snatching up an apple to eat. "You gonna write some more names in the Death Note?"

With a sigh, Sayu looked over at the notebook on her desk. She sat down and pulled up the news. Over the past several days she was struggling to find criminals that fit her set criteria. She scrolled through for a while before clicking on international news. As she searched for news, she heard a familiar tune. "Ryuk, turn that off!"

"What?" Ryuk said with a grin as the program started. "It's interesting."

"Welcome to Kira's Kingdom," The pretty host said. Sayu wondered if they purposefully choose a pretty young woman in order to compete with NHN's reporter Kiyomi Takada. "Today we have some guests to discuss Kira's actions and-" Standing up, Sayu walked over and changed the channel.

"I was watching that," Ryuk said.

"It's a trash show." Sayu shook her head and returned to the desk. "Watch something else."

"I bet most humans would love to be worshipped as Kira!"

"I don't know about that." Sayu chewed on her pen for a while before writing down the names of a pair of murderers from the United States. She flipped through the articles until she saw one about a terrorist in France. "Would a god kill all these people?" Sayu asked aloud, speaking more to herself than Ryuk. "I don't know. Maybe a real god wouldn't find it worth his time." Sayu closed the Death Note and pushed it aside. "Maybe that's why people are flocking to Kira." She sighed and turned back towards Ryuk. "But I don't want their attention."

"Seems too late for that."


	7. Chapter 7

It might have been out of desperation, but L decided to check all death records of people who died from heart attacks in the Kyoto region the day before Kira became active. "If Kira's power is supernatural then he might have tested it," L said to Near, who was folding paper cranes and placing them neatly around the desk.

"How will we know if it's Kira related?" Near asked.

With a small shrug, L pulled up the records. He scrolled through the pages, looking for anything suspicious. His eyes stopped at the names of two young men in their twenties. With a frown, L pulled up their profiles. He recognized their faces immediately.

"Eishii Utsumi and Takashi Sada," Near said. "Two college students?"

"They both attended To-Oh University," L said, drawing in a sharp breath.

"That is strange." Near's phone buzzed, drawing his attention away from the screens. L watched with a heavy heart as a smile blossomed across the younger man's face. "Can I go? We can work some more tomorrow."

"Are you going on a date with Sayu?" L asked, smoothing his thumb across his lips.

"Yes."

"I see."

"If you're still working when I get back then-"

"I won't be." As Near headed towards the door, L nearly voiced his suspicions, but he fell silent and let him go. There was no need to say anything until he was absolutely sure. He stared at the screen and shook his head, standing to return to his apartment. Light would be home soon.

While there was a perfectly good chocolate cake in the fridge, L struggled to eat any of it. He poked it and pushed it around with his fork. The gears were still ticking away in his head, no matter how much he urged them to stop. The door opened and L raised his eyes to see Light. "Are you going to eat that entire cake?" He asked with a small smirk.

"Not really," L said as he finally took a bite. Light pulled off his shoes and walked over, kissing L on the side of the head. "I think I might have solved the Kira case."

Light stiffened in surprise. "What? Really?"

"It was sheer dumb luck," L said, not meeting Light's gaze.

"Who is he then? Are we going to arrest him? Should I-"

"I need a few more days." L set the fork down and stood, facing Light with a solemn expression. Light's excitement quickly morphed to confusion. "We should talk about the wedding instead."

"The wedding? L I thought you didn't even-"

"I want to reveal to your mother and Sayu that I'm L beforehand," L said, completely intent on changing the subject. "That way the actual ceremony will be legitimate." Light tried to get a word in, but L continued, "I know it's short notice, but let's do the ceremony next week."

"L what has gotten into you?"

"We should have a chocolate cake and-"

"L!"

Pausing, L met Light's gaze. He bit his lip in frustration and stepped forward, cupping L's face in his hands. "What? We could have strawberry instead?"

"What's wrong?" Light asked. "You don't ramble like this unless something's worrying you."

Shaking his head, L closed his eyes. "I don't want to think about it."

"The Kira case?"

Nodding slightly, L said, "Let's talk about our wedding. Please Light." He felt Light shift forward and kiss him, shifting to kiss down his neck.

"I want ivory roses. Red ones are cliché." L nodded, stepping back as Light kissed him again, forcing him against the wall. He slid his hands down his body, settling them on L's hips. "We can have chocolate cake, but you have to promise the guests can have some too." L laughed as Light kissed him over and over. "And when you kiss me, I want everyone to see how much you love me."

"Yes." L closed his eyes, sighing as Light pushed his shirt aside, gentling kissing his shoulders and up his neck. "I want everyone to know that I'm yours." He slid his hands into Light's hair and pulled him into another kiss, adding softly, "And that you're mine."

"I'll always be yours." Light's eyes shone with adoration. "We are bound together L."

"I love you Light Yagami."

Light kissed him again, taking his breath away before pulling back and saying softly, "I love you too L Lawliet."     

 

 

 

Pacing back and forth, Near waited for Sayu to answer. He wondered if he should knock again right when she opened the door. Her face lit up when she saw him. "You look so handsome!" Sayu said. She was one to speak while wearing a purple halter dress with the back almost fully open. All Near wore was a plain white dress shirt and black dress pants. Once again, Sayu had her hair tied back in a ponytail, just like their date at the pond.

There was a part of Near that hated how Sayu stole the words right off of his lips. "You're beautiful," He said once coherent thought returned to him. Sayu's smile brightened the whole hallway. She wrapped her arm around his, interlinking the fingers together.

"Let's hurry or we'll miss the sunset!"

Sometimes it was hard to keep up with Sayu. She was so full of energy and dragged Near along wherever they went. Though it was also that childish excitement that drew Near to her in the first place. She was always so optimistic, always so excited about everything. It was interesting.

"I've heard that watching the sunset at Tokyo Tower is the most romantic thing to do in the whole city," Sayu said. She glanced at Near, who offered a small smile in return. They rode the elevator up to the main observatory. As they did, Sayu asked, "How is work going?" There was a look of apprehension on her face. "Are you and Ryuzaki almost finished with the job?"

"No, it's not been particularly easy," Near said and Sayu sighed in relief. "Do you enjoy us struggling with our jobs?"

"No! I just don't want you to leave yet," Sayu said. "It'll be hard if you're far away." She squeezed his hand and leaned her head against his. "I'll miss you."

"I won't leave," Near said without a second thought.

"Really?"

Near nodded.

At that point he was in too deep. Near couldn't imagine leaving her side. After Mello's death, he felt quite alone at Wammy's house. None of the others could ever cheer him up. He hadn't connected with anyone besides L until he met Sayu. The elevator dinged.

   The observation deck was mostly empty. Near let Sayu tug him over to the railings, where she released his hand and leaned over, staring out the huge glass windows. The sky had already begun to turn orange. "It's so beautiful," Sayu said. Near walked over, standing close to her with a hand on her back. She leaned into his touch. "It's been almost exactly two and half months since we met."

"Has it?" Near trailed his hand up her spine, feeling her smooth skin. "Sayu." She shivered and turned to him. "Do you still want to kiss me?' Sayu nodded, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She almost looked shy.

In the dying light of the sun, Sayu reached over and cupped Near's face in her hands. She smoothed her thumbs over his cheeks. He wondered if he looked like a fool the way he was staring at her with half-closed eyes. When she let out a quiet breath, Near realized she was trembling. Then her lips were against his and his eyes automatically fell shut. Kissing Sayu was nothing like when he kissed Mello. She was fully open to him, pulling him closer into her warmth. When she pulled back, Near curled his hands around her face and pulled her back, kissing her hard.

The sun was almost fully below the horizon when they broke apart. Near leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes ever so slightly. "You've enraptured me," He said barely loud enough for Sayu to hear. "I don't ever want to let you go."

"Then let's never let go." Sayu pushed forward into his arms, hugging him tight as she buried her face in his hair.

After a while it began to get dark on the observation deck. People were slipping away off to get on with the rest of their lives. Sayu pulled back, taking Near's hand tight in hers. They walked together, pressed close. "Where are we going for dinner?" Near asked.

"You'll see, the food's really good. I promise!"

 

 

 

 

"Are we going to leave?" Ryuk complained as he lounged in the window. "It's so boring here."

"I need to study," Sayu said with an irritated sigh. Her notes were spread across the small table in To-Oh's library. She had a very important test the following day and could already see her class rank slipping. "We can leave in an hour when the library closes."

Ignoring the shinigami's groan, Sayu continued to diligently work on her notes. She had to finish studying so she could go home and work with the Death Note. Crime rates had continued to fall and Sayu rarely heard her classmates speaking ill of Kira any longer. They began to lose interest all together, which pleased Sayu. It was better to be forgotten than worshiped. It also eased her guilt. For the first time, it felt like she might actually be doing the right thing. Glancing at her phone, Sayu unlocked it and smiled as the picture of her and Near at the bamboo forest lit up the screen. It would be hard to keep her secret from him, but she would do it.  

"Working hard?"

Sayu jumped and looked up to see Ryuzaki. His expression was stoic, though she could see something deeper in his eyes. It almost looked like suspicion.

"What are you doing here?" Sayu asked.

"I just needed to look at some references for work," Ryuzaki said. He set a Go board in front of Sayu, dropping the bag of white stones next to her. "You should take a break and play a game with me."

Why did Ryuzaki seem more distant than normal? Sayu frowned and picked up the bag, staring inside at the stones. While she was pretty good at the game, Sayu had never beaten Ryuzaki before. He was better at seeing every possibility and watching the whole board. Sayu tended to narrow in on specific battles, incapable of seeing the whole war.

"Okay," Sayu said. "It has been a while since I've seen you. Work must be really busy." Ryuzaki made a quiet noise of agreement. As he set the first stone and raised his thumb to his mouth, Sayu caught sight of his white gold wedding band. "How pretty! Does Light's look the same?"

"It's your turn Sayu."

Sayu's shoulders sunk. Why was Ryuzaki being so cold to her? She looked across the board and carefully set her stone, remembering various techniques Light had taught her. "Light must have been so surprised," Sayu said as they played. "I bet he never thought you'd be the one to ask first." Ryuzaki smoothed his thumb over his lips, not meeting her gaze. "We should go get dinner sometime soon."

"Once I finish this job."

The black stones had begun to encircle Sayu's own white stones. If she didn't change her strategy quickly, Ryuzaki was going to win. "When's the wedding? Have you talked about it?"

"Yes."

"Oh, really? Were you planning on getting married soon?"

"Next week."

"Already? Wow! I can help plan-"

"Sayu what do you think of Kira?"

Sayu dropped her stone. It clattered against the board. For the first time that night, Ryuzaki made eye contact with her. His expression was analytical, his eyes searching for something in hers. "Kira?" Sayu said as she picked up her stone again. "That's just a myth isn't it?"

"Almost a thousand criminals have been killed," Ryuzaki said. "Light said that while the police aren't investigating it any longer, they're not necessarily saying it's just a coincidence either." He set another stone, further surrounding Sayu. "It would be highly unlikely for thousands of similar people to all drop dead from heart attacks. There is a clear motive for these killings. Kira is seeking justice."

"If Kira is real," Sayu began slowly. "Then Kira is nothing more than a murderer."

"You think so? Many call Kira a god."

"Kira is not a god!"

Ryuzaki raised his eyes again, searching Sayu's face after her outburst. She wondered if he saw the few tears gathered at the corner of her eyes.

"Kira is a monster," Sayu said. Her voice was shaking.

"But he didn't try to kill L."

"It doesn't matter." She continued to speak as Ryuzaki looked around the board, searching for the proper placement of his next stone. "Even if Kira is working towards a better world, Kira isn't doing something that is right." She hesitated before continuing, "Kira is doing necessary work, but that doesn't make it righteous!"

Ryuzaki made a mistake. Sayu saw it the moment he set down his stone. His fingers trembled slightly as he pulled away.

"I see." He bit his thumb, distress flashing through his eyes. "You aren't referring to Kira as a specific gender. Many think he is male."

"Why should we assume?" It was a weak answer.

Eyes flickering up to Sayu again, Ryuzaki stared at her necklace. "Do you always wear that?"

"Of course, I treasure it," Sayu said, touching the pearl around her neck. "After all, you gave it to me."

"I'm glad you like it." Ryuzaki wasn't meeting her eyes again and he was losing their game of Go. Sayu almost couldn't believe it as she turned the tides against him. "The colors of pearls have meanings supposedly."

"Yeah?"

"Blue pearls are supposed to represent courage, tranquility, things like that." Sayu stared down at the pearl, admiring its sheen. "Some say they also represent trust."

"I'm glad you trust me."

Rather than replying, Ryuzaki continued their game of Go in silence. It became clear within a few minutes that Sayu had won. Leaning back, Ryuzaki looked away as he spoke, "Well done. I should leave you to study." As Ryuzaki gathered up the game, Sayu watched with a frown.

"Is everything okay?" Sayu asked. "You seem upset."

"Everything is fine, do well on your test." With that said, Ryuzaki was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

After his conversation with Sayu, L had barely been able to sleep. He got up late in the night to review all the evidence again, slipping out of Light's arms despite his quiet protests. The door opened. Near walked in with a slightly annoyed look. "Light was demanding why you left in the middle of the night and did not go back to bed last night," Near said. "If he wasn't running late I bet he would have rushed over here himself to interrogate you."

"I know who Kira is."

Near's eyes widened in surprise. "What?"

Pointing to the screen, L said, "These are the two I was speaking about a few days ago. The two university students who died of sudden heart attacks."

"Were they killed by Kira?" Near asked as he sat on the floor beside his tower of dice. He cautiously stacked them. "Why?"

L changed the subject for a moment, desperately wanting to review all their other evidence before continuing to speak. "We agreed that Kira was likely a student."

"Yes, the killings changed times when school resumed. Before, it seemed as if Kira killed randomly at any time during the day. Once school resumed, the deaths only occurred in the late evening and they slowed down slightly."

"And Kira believes what he is doing is wrong. Kira refused to kill those who are innocent."

Near raised his eyes. "What are you saying?"

L pointed to the pictures of the two young men who died of sudden heart attacks.  "They were students at To-Oh University," he said slowly. "And they died at suddenly overnight, both of heart attacks on August twelfth. What day was that?" His nausea increased as Near's eyes widened.

"You think Sayu is Kira?" Near said with a quiet tone of disbelief. His voice seemed to tremble as he continued, "I suppose the evidence lines up."

"This is just too large of a coincidence." The two men who nearly raped Sayu died the same night of the attack. They died right before the beginning of the Kira killings. Perhaps Kira simply saw what happened and was testing his power? Though L was sure he would have seen if someone else was nearby and why would Kira have waited to kill them? Both men died just minutes after Sayu arrived home.

"Are you going to tell Light?"

Chewing at his thumb, L lowered his eyes and stared ahead at his desk, eyes falling on the pictures from the photo booth. He looked at Sayu's bright smile. It just wasn't possible. Kira couldn't be Sayu. He had to be wrong. Sayu, who was happy and wanted justice for everyone in the world. Sayu, who loved him dearly and wanted only happiness for him and Light. Kira, who murdered hundreds of criminals. Kira, who possessed some supernatural ability. Were the two one in the same?

"No, I have no proof."

"This is significant proof," Near said, pointing to the screen. "Kira killed the two men who attempted to rape Sayu the same night that she was attacked. Kira is a university student. Kira refuses to kill law enforcement. All of these things are pieces of a puzzle that point right to Sayu. All the proof we need is right here." Continuing, Near spun a piece of his hair around his finger, "Sayu must be Kira." His voice cracked as he spoke. "Maybe we should monitor her apartment. Watari could place cameras and bugs so-"

"No. I won't invade her privacy like that."

"But she's our main suspect." His expression was closely guarded. "Shouldn't we investigate?"

L's hands were shaking. Sayu couldn't be Kira. It wasn't possible. 

"L? Are you listening?"

"We will continue to look for evidence without resorting to drastic measures." L stood, chair screeching.

"We can't just pretend she's not Kira," Near said. He squeezed his eyes shut and continued with a pained tone, "We need to take action and the reasonable course of action would be to conduct surveillance on her."

"I said no! We need more proof."

The pair of them stared at one another. L's chest felt tight. Near broke eye contact first. "You're letting your emotions cloud your decisions," Near said quietly. "I am not."

"Perhaps you're being too heartless."

"Perhaps I am.”

At that moment Near's phone began to ring, he looked at it and tears began to form at the edges of his eyes. He shoved it away, knocking it into his tower of dice. The whole thing crumbled to the ground, spreading dice across the room. "Near, I-" L began to speak, but Near rushed from the room, slamming the door behind him. L decided it would be best to leave him alone.

 

 

 

The world was collapsing around him. Near retreated to his room, locking the door behind him and sliding to the ground with his hands clamped over his ears. He let the tears that he had been holding back spill from his eyes. With a choked sob, Near shook his head. He held his composure as best as he could in front of L, but it felt like he was being ripped apart.

The evidence was all there. Even if Sayu wasn't definitely Kira, there was a very strong likelihood that she was. It was too likely to ignore, yet that was exactly what L was planning on doing. Shifting slightly, Near wrapped his arms around his legs and continued to cry. The pain in his chest had only ever been matched by one other event. If Sayu did turn out to be Kira, she was just as dead as Mello. The agony he felt shifted to anger. Had Sayu been lying to him that whole time? He thought of her sweet smile. Murderers didn't smile like that. Was it just a lie? He stood, pacing around the room as he thought. Everything hinged on the deaths of Eishii Utsumi and Takashi Sada.

"Maybe Kira just happened to be there," Near said in an attempt to rationalize the new information. He walked past one of his card towers, carelessly knocking it down as he moved. "Kira decided to try his new power on them after they tried to hurt her." It had been late that night and Kira needed both a name and face to kill. "It must have been someone who also went to To-Oh? A student who worked at the convenience store." Twirling his hair around his finger, Near pulled hard and closed his eyes. "No, no, no. It doesn't make sense." Another card tower met its end as he fell back onto his bed.

Picking up a dart, Near narrowed his eyes and threw it, hitting the board right in the middle. "Maybe there is no Kira," Near said. He threw another dart. It hit near the first one. "We've been wrong all along." The third dart hit lower. Near's hand was shaking. "If we're not-" He broke off and dropped the fourth dart. Everything in his world was crumbling. "Sayu can't be Kira," He whispered. Yet the truth was right there. With shaking hands, Near took in a deep breath. "It doesn't matter. We need to see this through to the end." Near sat up, pressing his hand to his face. "We need to figure out the truth." With that in mind, Near pushed his feelings away. He imagined locking them away, safely chained up for everyone's own good.

 

 

 

 

As Sayu laid in bed, she found herself unable to sleep. She rolled over and checked her phone again. Near still hadn't responded to her texts. She raised the phone and called him, staring up at the ceiling. Again, it went straight to voicemail. She took in a deep breath and tossed her phone onto her bedside table. "I told him we shouldn't have ridden those stupid swan boats," Sayu said, laying her arm over her eyes.

"If your boyfriend was going to break up with you, wouldn't he say something?" Ryuk asked.

"That's not always how it works." Sayu sat up and walked towards the kitchen. "First you lose contact and then all your feelings disappear and-" She broke off and shook her head. "Maybe he's just busy. Light's complained before about Ryuzaki not being responsive when he's working." Sayu grabbed a glass and filled it with water, drinking it quickly. "So I shouldn't worry!"

"If you say so," Ryuk said. Pacing back to her room, Sayu sent him a dirty look. She picked up Near and texted him once more, inviting him to dinner with her parents the following night. He never responded.

"Sayu!" Sachiko said with a huge smile as she hugged her daughter. "You're so grown up dear. Come on, Light's already here."

"Ryuzaki didn't come?" Sayu said as she walked into the kitchen.

"He's busy with work." A mixture of annoyance and worry crossed Light's face. He leaned on one hand and stared at his glass, swirling the wine in his glass.

"Oh, so Near must be busy too." Relief filled Sayu as she took her seat next to Light.

"Your new boyfriend right?" Sachiko asked with bright excited eyes. "He must be lovely!"

Sayu's face grew warm and she nodded. "He is."

"Sayu's fallen very quickly for him," Light said with a teasing grin.

"Hey!" Sayu shook her head. "Like you're one to talk!"

Laughter filled the family table as the Yagamis talked. Then Soichiro asked Light if he was still aiding L with the Kira case. "Of course," Light said with a proud smile. "L told me he's very close to arresting Kira." Startled, Sayu raised her eyes. "He told me he already knows Kira's identity."

"Really?" Soichiro asked with a shocked expression.

Sayu's chest felt tight as Ryuk laughed. "That spells trouble for you huh?"

"Did he tell you?" Sayu asked quickly. To her relief, Light shook his head. "So what's L's plan then?'

"It's not something I should discuss with at a family dinner," Light said.

Heart pounding in her chest, Sayu nodded. Did L realize she was Kira? If he did, then Light and Ryuzaki would find out as well. Near would learn she was a monster. Everyone she knew would look down on her. They wouldn't understand her goal. The echo of heartbeat flooded her ears. Everything sounded muffled.

"I'm sure Kira will be executed for his crimes," Soichiro said with a thoughtful look.

"Probably," Light agreed. "He is the world's worst serial killer."

It was over. All of Sayu's hopes and dreams came crashing down around her. "Sayu, are you alright?" Sachiko asked, touching Sayu's hand. "You look pale."

"Oh, just hungry I guess."

Even before dinner ended, Sayu had begun to develop a plan in her head. She returned home and pulled the Death Note from her bag, flipping it open to the front cover. " 'This note will not take effect unless the writer has the subject's face in their mind when writing his/her name.' " Sayu traced her fingers over the rule. "Even if I learn L's name, I can't do anything."

"I thought you didn't kill innocent people," Ryuk said with a wry grin.

"Didn't you hear my dad?" Sayu's eyes were wide in fear. "They'll execute me." Trembling, Sayu looked back to the notebook. "I finally feel like I'm making a difference. Even if I am just a murderer, I'm not willing to die like this, especially not when everyone will know that I was Kira." She took a deep breath and looked at the next rule, reading aloud, " 'If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the subject's name, it will happen.' " That was a small time window.

"What are you thinking?"

"Light knows L's name," Sayu said, her voice shaking. "I'm sure he does. The way he talks about him, they must be close."

"What about L's face?"

"I don't know, but I have to try." She looked to Ryuk with a worried expression. "If Light touches the Death Note, he'll see you."

"Yup."

"What about if he just writes in it? I could cut the page in a way that his hand wouldn't touch it."

"Uh, I guess he wouldn't be able to see me then."

Trembling, Sayu pulled the journal Light gave her for her birthday from her bag. She grabbed an x-acto knife from her drawer and carefully cut out a square large enough for L's name to be written. Then she ripped a piece of the Death Note out and slipped it behind the page. 

"Clever."

With shaking hands, Sayu set the Death Note aside and texted her brother, asking to go to lunch on his day off. He agreed quickly. "Okay," Sayu said. Her chest ached. "I can do this."


	9. Chapter 9

There was no doubt in L's mind that Sayu was Kira. He hadn't been able to sleep at all the night after their conversation and had trouble sleeping the days following. He kept going over possible scenarios in his head. That was how he found himself outside of Sayu's apartment building, staring up with an unsure look. He needed to tell her the truth about everything, but a small fear held him back. What if Sayu killed him? It was irrational, yet it kept L's feet glued to the sidewalk even as it began to rain. 

Soaked to the bone, L was about to turn and go home when he heard the door to the lobby open. "Ryuzaki!" Sayu called. "What in the world are you doing standing in the rain?" She ran to him, feet slapping against the wet pavement. She was barefoot. L wondered if she saw him standing out in the rain from her window and immediately rushed out to him. "What's wrong?" Sayu's hands were on his arm. "Hey, come inside and warm up." Her fingers were warm. He turned and met her gaze. "Ryuzaki? Come on." There was so much concern in those bright eyes of hers. 

"Okay." 

Luckily, Sayu had some of Light's old clothes around. L sat curled on her couch with a towel over his head. The dryer rumbled in the background. The tea kettle screeched. "Honestly Ryuzak," Sayu said with a bright smile. "You're going to get sick." She came back over with a cup of hot tea. He couldn't meet her gaze as he took it. "You already look sick." 

"It's just stress." 

Technically, L wasn't lying. The stress of knowing that Sayu was Kira was killing him. He still refused to tell Light, only revealing he had solved the case. Though L had no idea how to proceed. He still didn't know how Kira committed the murders. L sipped the tea slowly, staring ahead with a frown. 

"Ah, maybe that's why Near isn't texting me back, huh?" Sayu sounded sad. L glanced over at her, watching as she stared down at her lap, playing with her shirt. "It's just because work is stressful, right?" 

It was because Near knew Sayu was Kira. Unlike L, he was more than prepared to throw away his feelings for her in order to stop the killings. L wished that he was as strong as Near. Perhaps he was before he met Light. He must have been stronger before he let the Yagami siblings into his life, before he let both of them infect every inch of him with their friendship, their love. 

"Ryuzaki?" Sayu asked, a concerned look crossing her face. He blankly realized he had been staring at her. "You really aren't acting like yourself." With a bright smile, she clapped her hands together. "Oh, you're getting nervous before the wedding right?" 

"The wedding?" L asked. 

"Your wedding. The one that's in a few days. Remember?" 

With a slight nod, L glanced away and set the cup on the table. The wedding was imminent, yet he still hadn't figured out what to do about Sayu. If he could just get her to confess to being Kira, perhaps they could figure something out. As much as L hated going against justice, he wasn't strong enough to lock her away or have her executed. Maybe he could just get her to promise to stop killing criminals. 

"Ryuzaki?" 

"I love you," L said, eyes snapping back to Sayu. Her own eyes widened in surprise. "You are one of the best friends I have ever had and have been there for me through so much." 

"Ryuzaki, I love you too." Sayu smiled back and frustration filled L. She didn't understand. 

"You are my family," L continued with a bit more urgency. "I've never had anyone besides Watari until I met Light, until I met you." He reached out and took Sayu's hand in both of his, squeezing gently. "I trust you. I'm willing to put my life in your hands." Sayu's smile shifted to a look of confusion. "So tell me the truth." 

"About what?" 

"Are you Kira?" 

Pure terror covered Sayu's face. She pulled away immediately. Her reaction might has well have been a confession. "Of course not!" Lie. "Ryuzaki, how could you think that? I would never kill anyone!" Lie. "Surely, you know me better than that!" 

"Tell me the truth Sayu," L said softly as his heart shattered. It was more of a beg than a demand. 

"I'm not Kira!" Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. "I'm not! I'm not a murderer!" Lie. Lie. Lie. L dropped his head, hiding his heartbroken expression from Sayu. Her quiet sobs filled the room. 

There was a deep ache in L's chest. "I always know when you're lying." Despite that, Sayu shook her head again. "If you admit it. If you stop, perhaps you can avoid arrest." 

"I'm not Kira." Sayu's response was quieter. Her voice almost sounded broken. She met Ryuzaki's gaze with a terrified expression. She looked like a cornered animal. "How could you think that about me?"

With a heavy heart, L stood. He turned away from Sayu, walking to the door. He shoved his hands into his pockets, curling his fingers in frustration. 

"Ryuzaki?" 

Even with the truth staring him in the face, he couldn't bring himself to do anything. Every part of him screamed to reveal that he was L. It would be his last chance to force Sayu into telling the truth. He pulled on his shoes. 

"Ryuzaki? Where are you going?" 

"Home." 

Leaping to her feet, Sayu raced across the room and crashed into L, hugging him tight. "How could you say something like that and just leave!" She cried out. "You jerk!" Her hands were shaking. L turned and returned her hug. 

"I'm sorry." He smoothed his hand over her hair and pulled back, staring down at her with a sad gaze. Tears stained her cheeks. "I have always been insensitive." 

"Ryuzaki, I-"

"I will see you later." L pressed a kiss to Sayu's forehead and pulled away, leaving the apartment quickly. He cursed himself for being so weak.       
     

Before Light could even say anything, Sayu asked, "Is Ryuzaki okay?" 

"I mean, I think he's been a little depressed lately," Light said quietly. He avoided her gaze, rubbing his engagement ring with his thumb. "But he's fine." It sounded like a lie, but Sayu didn't want to press Light any further. She nodded, lower lip trembling. Her resolve hardened after her talk with Ryuzaki. She couldn't let him find out she was Kira, which meant that no matter what L had to die. Sayu put on her best smile. 

"How's school going? You're learning a lot right?" Light said as they walked to their table. 

"Yeah I am." 

Waiting for the perfect moment, Sayu let Light dictate their conversation. Then she said with a sly smile, "You know L's name right?" 

"Sayu," Light said, rolling his eyes. "I am not telling you L's name." 

"Come on, I won't tell anyone else!" She put on her best begging face. "I'm just curious." She pulled the journal from her bag. "You could write it down!"

A smile tugged on Light's lips as he sipped his coffee. "I don't know L's name."  

"Please? You're important enough to know it, I'm sure." 

Stroking Light's ego always worked. He let out a resigned sigh and held out his hand. Sayu's heart pounded hard in her chest as she opened the journal and slid it over to him. If he noticed that the journal was altered, he didn't say anything. As soon as he wrote it, Sayu pulled the journal back. The clock was ticking. 

"L Lawliet?" She said quietly, flipping the journal's page away to write on the Death Note's page. Next to his name, Sayu quickly wrote that the detective would shoot himself at two that afternoon, an hour after her lunch with Light. All of a sudden Ryuk burst into laughter. She spared a glance at him, unsure of what was so funny. The shinigami laughed and laughed, leaning his head back. It sent a chill down Sayu's spine. 

"It's a nice name," Light said quietly as he leaned on one hand. There was fondness in his eyes. 

"Don't look so lovestruck," Sayu said, pointing to Light's ring. "You're getting married tomorrow." Her comment caused Light to burst into quiet laughter. "What?"

"Nothing," Light said, hiding his smile behind his hand. "Finish your lunch." 

On her walk home, she felt relieved. L was taken care of. No one else would investigate the Kira case and Sayu's secret was safe. The knowledge that she was Kira would die with L. She walked in and pulled her journal from her bag setting it next to the Death Note. She pulled the page of the Death Note out and returned it to its proper place, staring at the name neatly written by Light. The sound of the clock ticking boomed in Sayu's apartment. Her chest tightened as two o'clock came and passed. Then she let out a sigh of relief. It was over for good. 

As Sayu worked on putting away laundry, her phone began ringing. She glanced over to see Light was calling. "Hey, I thought I just saw you," She said with a teasing tone. The only sound she heard in reply was a quiet sob. "Light? What's wrong?" 

"Ryuzaki," Light choked out. Sayu stood straighter, her heart pounding. 

"What about him? Is he-"

"He shot himself." 

Frozen in place, Sayu couldn't find the words to say. She trembled as she held the phone closer. "When?" She whispered. Her heart was like a drum in her ears. 

"At two. I couldn't stop him. I-I was too late." 

"No, he couldn't have," Sayu said. "That's impossible!" 

"Sayu. Ryuzaki, he never told you, but he was actually-"

"L." A sob wrecked through Sayu's body. "He was L!" Dropping the phone, Sayu stumbled backwards until she ran into the wall. "I killed him. I killed him!" She slid to the ground, shaking violently. "How could I?" She thought of Ryuzaki's, no L's, visit to her the other day. She thought of how he declared she was Kira. "No!" Sayu screamed, pressing her hands to her ears. "This isn't fair!" 

"I love you." L's words echoed in the empty apartment. "I trust you." It was all in her imagination. "Kira. You're Kira. You killed me Sayu." 

"What have I done?" Tears streamed down Sayu's face. She reached for her necklace, holding it tight in her hands. "Ryuzaki. L. Why didn't you tell me?" If only L had told her the truth. She wouldn't have killed him. He would still be alive. Against her will, an image of L raising the gun to his head appeared in her mind. She choked back another sob as she imagined his blood splattered across Light and his shared apartment. "No, not him. How could I do this?" Sayu scrambled to get up, racing over to the Death Note. "Can I take it back? I have to bring him back!" She traced her hands over the rules, reading them again and again. 

"No can do," Ryuk said. "Death is permanent." 

Whirling on the shinigami, Sayu threw the Death Note into his hands. "You should have never dropped this damn book onto the earth! I hate you!" 

"I didn't do anything," Ryuk said with a shrug. "You made your choices."

"This would have never happened if I never found that fucking notebook!" Sayu dropped to her knees, crying as she laid on the floor. "I'm a murderer. I'm a monster. I should have never written in it. Everything led to me killing him, to me killing Ryuzaki." She clenched her hands. "I've ruined everything!" Ryuk remained silent as Sayu laid on the floor sobbing. 

L's funeral was small. Sayu didn't meet the gaze of anyone there. Her parents stood with stoic expressions on their faces, though Sachiko wiped her away her tears periodically through the priest's speech. Sayu felt Light's hand on her shoulder and caught a glance of Watari's heartbroken look. She felt numb inside. Near didn't even stand anywhere close to her. He stayed as far away as he possibly could. Sayu faintly realized that Near must have been training as L's successor. He knew she was Kira. As the coffin was lowered into the ground, Sayu stepped forward. She pulled off the pearl necklace and kissed it, before dropping it into the grave. "I don't deserve your trust L," She said quietly, too softly for anyone else to hear. As Sayu returned to her brother's side, she spotted the silver chain around his neck that dipped down under his shirt. It didn't take much deduction to figure out that L's ring was hidden at the end of that chain. Her lips quivered and she lowered her head. 

As everyone left, Sayu realized that Light hadn't spoken a single word to her. He kissed her on the cheek before going, walking with Watari and Near, who still avoided Sayu's eyes. Turning back to the grave, Sayu fell to her knees on the soft dirt. 

"L, I'm sorry," Sayu said, reaching out to touch the letters which read, "Rue Ryuzaki." Even in death, L's name was concealed. "I told you before. Kira is a monster and I am that monster." She trembled and pressed her forehead to the cool stone. "Please forgive me. I-I can't take this guilt." Her hands shook as she wiped away her tears. "I can't be Kira for the rest of my life." She reached for her bag and pulled out an envelope, which contained the Death Note. "I can't trust this power with anyone, so I'll try my best to put it in the hands of someone who won't abuse it." She bowed her head. "I don't know what else to do. I wish I had told you the truth." 

The envelope had the name of a prosecutor neatly printed on the front. He was a known Kira worshipper, Sayu spent almost a day researching him before making her choice. She spent a few more quiet moments before L's grave before standing and hurrying to the nearest post office. After slipping the Death Note into the slot, Sayu turned to Ryuk. 

"Well, I guess this is goodbye. It's been fun." 

"Please just leave me." Sayu's voice was sorrowful. She tore her gaze away from Ryuk and quietly said, "I relinquish ownership of the Death Note."

Blinking, Sayu glanced around her. Why was she at the post office? She reached up and touched her chest. There was a deep ache there. Everything hurt. As she remembered L's funeral, she closed her eyes tight and held back a quiet sob. She hugged herself and headed home, avoiding the gazes of strangers. 


	10. Chapter 10

Near could tell by Light's stare that he hated the way he slipped into L's role so easily. Near sighed, pulling the tie Watari made him wear off of his neck. The old man and Light both stood at the back of the room, waiting for Near to speak. "I didn't want to reveal this before L's funeral," Near said quietly. "But, I think we all need to know."

"Know what?" Light's voice was sharp.

Near clicked on the case files and filled the screens with information about the Kira case. He gestured to the two pictures of the To-Oh students. "Light, those are the two men who attempted to rape your sister. They also happen to be the true first Kira victims."

"What are you saying?" Light asked through gritted teeth.

"L suspected that Sayu was Kira," Near said quietly. "Perhaps that was why he killed himself."

As Near expected, Light exploded at the implication. "My sister is not Kira! How dare you!" He trembled, clenching and unclenching his fists. "L wouldn't have thought that."

"All the evidence is here," Near said. "Didn't you wonder why L avoided revealing it to you?" Light stormed over and looked at the screen, scanning the names, the dates, the times, every single thing L had compiled.

"There's no way." His voice held less conviction than before. "Sayu can't be. She would never-" He broke off, eyes falling to the ground. "How?"

"We need to conduct surveillance on her," Near said. "Watari will install cameras and bugs in her house." Light said nothing. He only stared at the screens with a heartbroken expression.

Near understood Light's pain, or at least some of it. He remembered how L guided him to the realization and how he cut all contact with Sayu. He tried not to dwell on that fact or else the memories of their time together would resurface. Shaking his head, Near pressed his hand into his forehead, trying to will away the ache in his chest.

The cameras were installed quickly and it became clear very quickly that Sayu was depressed. She went to school and returned home, working on homework slowly before going to bed. As she laid there, she flipped through photos on her phone and then texted Near. He ignored his phone's buzz each time. It was the same routine, day after day. All the while, criminals continued to die with increasing frequency. Kira had begun killing even those who committed minor crimes. Near watched the feed with narrow eyes. It didn't make sense.

"Kira just must have seen what happened," Light said quietly one evening as they watched the feeds. "We haven't seen anything suspicious."

"No we haven't."

The pair of them watched as Sayu retreated to the far end of the apartment, near her bed. Near switched the feed accordingly. Her hands were shaking. "What is she doing?" She reached for a drawer in her desk and opened it, pulling out a plain white shirt. Light drew in a sharp breath. They watched together as Sayu hugged the shirt close, leaning against the wall to slide to the ground.

"Ryuzaki," She sobbed. "I miss you."

Light's hands were clenched tight and Near watched him blink away tears. He pressed his hand to his mouth, holding back sobs as best as he could. It would not be the first time Near saw him cry over the death of L, though usually Light was not aware that anyone was watching.

"She can’t be Kira," Light said. "I can't believe it." Near lowered his eyes. "This has to be a mistake."

"Perhaps it is," He said. "We haven't observed anything suspicious. It would be safer to lock her up."

"What?"

"If the Kira killings continue while she's imprisoned-"

"Don't you dare take away my sister!" The chair screeched as Light stood. Near looked over and met his furious stare with a heavy heart.

"I don't want to this either. It would be temporary."

"Yeah right! You have no problem concluding that my sister is Kira!"

When Light's anger did not subside, Near sighed and looked away. He twirled his hair around his finger, staring into the distance for a few moments before quietly saying, "Have you ever know L to be wrong?" Light inhaled sharply. "Do you doubt him?" It was a low blow and Near knew it.

"Fine." There was a deep bitterness in Light's voice. "You'll see that you're wrong." 

Near didn't point out that if he was wrong, L killed himself for nothing.

 

 

 

The hallway echoed as Sayu walked down towards Light's apartment. It was now one person short without L. She hadn't visited for a long time and wondered if anything changed. As she approached, Light stepped into the hallway. However, the open door was to the apartment next to his. "Light?" Sayu asked. He didn't meet her gaze. "What's wrong?"

"We need to talk to you."

Sayu tilted her head slightly, confused at the sudden development. "Who's we?" Light turned and walked back into the apartment. Sayu followed, feeling a sense of dread crawling under her skin. As she entered, an older gentleman closed the door behind her. Across the room, Near sat in a chair twirling a pen in his hand. "Near." Pleasure spread through her. "It's good to see you. How have-"

"Sayu, sit down."

Surprised by his sharp tone, Sayu slowly walked over to the chair and sat before him. "What is it?" She looked to Light, who still wasn't meeting her gaze. Her heart pounded in her chest as she got a sudden feeling that she was forgetting something important.

"Did you hear about the deaths of Eishii Utsumi and Takashi Sada?" Near also wasn't looking her in the eyes.

"Yes," Sayu said quietly. Her hands shook and she clenched them, trying not to remember that night during the summer. "Everyone did. They died suddenly-"

"When?"

Sayu's lip trembled. "After they tried to rape me." Near looked at her briefly and sorrow flashed across his face for a brief moment. He dropped the pen in favor of twirling his hair around his finger. "Why are you asking me this?"

"They died of heart attacks."

Sayu gasped. She pressed her hand to her mouth as she realized what the sudden interrogation was about. "Near," She said, trembling as she squeezed her eyes shut. "I told L already. I'm not Kira."

"Told him already?" Light asked, breaking his silence. "When?"

"It was the last time I saw him before he-he-" Sayu broke off, tears escaping her eyes. She looked back up and met Near's thoughtful expression.

"So you already know that we suspect you."

"I swear I'm not-"

"L killed himself because he knew you were Kira and couldn't cope with the truth."

Near's harsh words startled Sayu. She shook her head but found herself unable to say anything. The memory of the last time she saw L alive burned in her mind. His phantom words echoing to her, "I love you. I trust you. Are you Kira?" She gasped and shook her head again. She wasn't Kira. She tried to tell L, but he didn't believe her.

"I am not weak like him." Near's eyes were cold. "You are being placed under arrest for the suspicion of being Kira."

"What?" Sayu said, her eyes widening in shock. "You can't!"

"Under the title of L, I have many resources," Near said. "I will do as I please."

"You know me Near! You know that I'm not Kira!"

Ignoring her pleas, Near stood and walked over, handcuffing her hands behind her back with an emotionless expression. He pulled her phone from her pocket and grabbed her backpack before stepping away. Desperate, Sayu looked to her brother who avoided her gaze. "If the Kira killings continue," Near said. "You will be released. I promise you that it will not be excessively uncomfortable." With that said, he sat back down and turned away from her.

It was Light who walked over and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him with fearful eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. It felt like all she did lately was cry. "Come on," he said.

At least Sayu's supposed prison cell was a small bedroom with a single bed and a bathroom attached. It was a nice accommodation for a suspected serial killer. She turned back to Light and said, "You know that I'm not Kira, right?"

"Of course." Light smoothed Sayu's hair down and kissed her forehead. "This is just to ease Near's paranoia." He sent a pointed glance at the camera in the corner of the room.

"Did L really kill himself because he thought I was Kira?"

Light pursed his lips and did not respond.

 

 

 

Throughout the whole first night of her detainment Sayu sobbed. Light couldn't bear to watch and went home, leaving Near and Watari to observe the monitors. Even after a while, Watari retired to bed. Near tried his best to ignore Sayu's crying. He picked up her phone, effortlessly unlocking it. The code was her birthday, not very secure. His breath hitched as he saw the home screen. It was the picture L had taken of them at the bamboo forest. Near opened the photo gallery and scrolled through the pictures. Many of them were of cats or dresses or other things Sayu found interesting. Though many of them were also of him or him and her together. There were pictures from the Tokyo Tower, pictures from the pond, picture from all of their dates. Near threw the phone across the room, not looking to see where it landed.

The Kira killings continued despite Sayu being locked up. "How does Kira kill?" Near asked on the third night of Sayu's imprisonment. He spoke through the microphone, not daring to get too close to her.

"I don't know," Sayu said softly.

"How are you still killing those prisoners?"

"Near!" Light exclaimed, anger covering his features. "Haven't you gotten enough proof yet? Sayu is not Kira!"

"Perhaps we will see prisoners continuing to die while she's imprisoned for a while," Near said. "Kira's power is supernatural after all." He turned back to look at the screen, twirling his hair around his finger. "L wasn't wrong." The mention of L always quieted Light. He knew he should feel guilty for manipulating him like that, but Near didn't care. He just wanted to get to the truth.

On the sixth night of Sayu's imprisonment, she was singing under her breath. Aside from Watari's silent visits, Sayu had no human contact. Near wondered if she was going insane. " 'I sit and wonder, where have you been? What are you doing now?' " Near leaned his head back, forcing his eyes shut as he listened. " 'Are you in this endless deep blue sky high in the clouds?' " Her voice was choked with emotion. " 'It's too much to take but my heart is beating on.' " Clenching his hands, Near looked away and buried his face in his knees. " 'I've never felt like this, feeling my heart beginning to break.' " Her voice began to crack as she continued, " 'Let's go back in time and relive those happy days.' " Once the song ended, Sayu buried her face in her pillow and cried.

"What was that song about?" Near knew he shouldn't have said anything, but he pressed the intercom button anyway. Sayu jerked in surprise. She rolled over and glanced upwards.

"It's nothing," Sayu said. "Just a song I heard from a show once." Her eyes were glossy, but no tears spilled down her cheeks. Near guessed that she had none left. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I could ask the same of you."   

With a quiet laugh, Sayu shook her head. "It's hard to sleep with the lights on." Near nodded slightly. Against his better judgement, he turned the lights down. "Oh. Thank you." Near did not reply.

Light stopped speaking to Near. He would ask Watari brief questions and then disappear. He seemed to be intent on ignoring the Kira case all together. Near wondered if it was a coping mechanism. He clicked through the newest reports of Kira killings. Rather than slowing down, the deaths of criminals had increased. "How strange," He said under his breath. He looked to Sayu, who laid on the bed staring at the ceiling. "The Kira killings have increased," He said. "Perhaps this means there were always two Kiras."

"I wouldn't know. I'm not Kira."

Near sighed and turned away from the screens, continuing to work on his card tower. Something was wrong. After L's death, the Kira killings stopped for several days. In fact, even before L's death they had been decreasing in frequency. Then they suddenly resumed with a fury. More and more criminals were dying every day. The personality of Kira seemed to have changed.

It was an impulse that drove Near to stand and walk to Sayu's room on the tenth day of her imprisonment. He hesitated at the door, holding the tarot card deck firmly in his hand. Then he pushed the door open. It was late and the room's lights were dim. Sayu shifted in bed, rolling over to see Near. Excitement spread across her face as she sat up suddenly. "You've come to release me!"

"No."

Sayu's shoulders slumped in defeat. Ignoring the pained looked on her face, Near sat on the floor. He shuffled the cards and spread them out on the floor. "Were you going to do a tarot reading?" Near nodded. The bed creaked as Sayu stood and walked over. She sat before him, staring down at the cards. Wiggling her wrists, the handcuffs clinked. "I can't exactly pick cards."

"Just describe which ones you want."

Nodding, Sayu studied the cards. "The sixth one from the right. The third one from the left. The one in the exact middle." Near extracted the cards.

Flipping the first one over, Near studied it. "For your past, you chose the High Priestess." Unlike before, Near had rigged the cards. He had already chosen each one to test Sayu's reactions. "She represents the existence of higher powers as well as hidden thoughts, a subconscious mind." Sayu's reaction was not as surprised as Near thought she would be. "Sayu, have you had trouble remembering anything?"

"Remembering anything?" Sayu asked. "What do you mean?"

"Starting from the appearance of Kira, do you have holes in your memory?" If Near's theory was correct, then it would mean L was not wrong.

Sayu tilted her head slightly and her hair fell into her eyes. "I mean, nothing significant. Everyone forgets things from time to time." Near noted her answer and flipped over the second card. "The Hermit?" Sayu choked out.

"The Hermit, as obvious, signifies being alone and performing introspection." He moved to the next card, eyeing Sayu carefully. She looked no more sad than normal. "The Tower. It represents upheaval, often disaster." Twirling a piece of hair around his finger, he continued. "It also indicates the possibility of revelations."

There was no look of panic on Sayu's face. She looked over the card and glanced up with a smile. Near suddenly felt very unsure of himself. The woman sitting before him was not Kira. She couldn't be. All of her reactions to every question he posed or every assumption he stated indicated that she truly did not believe she was Kira. He began to gather up the cards.

"Are you leaving?" Sayu asked. Her voice was little more than a whimper.

"I have no more business here."

"Please don't leave me alone again!"

"Sayu-" Near began to say, but he was cut off as Sayu moved forward, pressing her lips against his and knocking him back onto his hands. The tarot cards scattered across the floor.

Near's eyes were wide, he almost pulled away, but a feeling of warmth spread through him. His eyes fluttered shut as his heart pounded in his chest. The adoration rising up in him was exactly what he suppressed the day L told him that Sayu was Kira. All it took was one kiss to free those feelings again. It took one kiss to remind Near how desperately he needed her. Without her hands to balance, Sayu fell against him, breaking the kiss as she leaned her head on his chest. He remained as still as he could, chest heaving up and down. 

"I wish Kira never existed. I just wanted to have a normal life! I didn't want any of this! I wanted to watch my brother marry his true love! I wanted everyone in my family to be happy! I never wanted all of this misery!" Her voice cracked as she continued, "I want you! I want to stay by your side! I want to see your sweet smiles and feel your lips on mine." She broke off, sobbing into Near's chest.

Near couldn't find the words to say. Sayu struggled to her knees again. She kissed him, failing to hold back her tears. The taste of salt surprised Near. He shifted forward, reaching out for her and encircling his arms around her. Unknown to Sayu, she had struck him where he was weakest. If she was Kira, it would have been a brilliant plan to manipulate him into letting her go. "Haven't I done horrible things to you?" Near whispered as Sayu pulled back. She tucked her head against his shoulder and shook her head.

"I feel guilty," she said. "I deserve this."

"Sayu why would you-"

"If I had just convinced him," Sayu said. Her voice shook. "If I just made him realize I wasn't Kira. He'd still be here." Near nodded slightly. "I don't blame you for suspecting me. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I am Kira and I just don't remember." She sat up again, hair falling against Near's face. Leaning forward, she kissed him again. "But I know that there's no way. You can tell right?" Sayu stared at him with her tear stained face. "I'm not Kira. I'm not."

"I know," Near said. It was easy to tell when Sayu lied. She wore her heart on her sleeve. Yet, throughout her entire imprisonment she appeared to be telling the truth. Sayu's eyes widened in surprise.

Perhaps Near was throwing all objectivity out the window, but he reached forward and unlocked the handcuffs. Sayu pulled her hands free, staring at her wrists with a surprised expression. They were bruised and rubbed raw from the metal.

"Near," Sayu said as he reached out and took her wrist, gently kissing the bruises.

"I'm sorry."

A smile crossed Sayu's face as she threw her arms around him, running a hand through his hair as she kissed him again and again. It felt like he was drowning. Giving into her completely, Near let himself be pushed back. The floor was cool on his back. He gasped as Sayu shifted, kissing down his neck. He hadn't realized how much he missed being intimate with her. Sayu pulled back and kissed him again, sitting up and pulling him with her. She straddled him, wrapping her legs around his waist as she kissed him over and over.

"I missed you so much," Sayu said, speaking quickly as she barely pulled away.

"There was a hole in my life," Near whispered back. Her arms were strong around him and he felt weak, barely holding onto her.

"I love you."

"Sayu," Near said. His voice almost came out in a whimper. "Don't love me."

"I'll do anything for you!"

"Please, Sayu-"

"Don't ever leave me again!"

Near gave up his quiet protests. The pounding of his heart filled his ears and his thoughts were jumbled. Sliding his hands up her body, Sayu tangled his fingers in her hair, kissing her hard. Once Sayu finally pulled away, both of their chests were heaving. Near's face felt burned and his lips were raw. Every part of him felt like it had been split open.

"It's late," Near said as soon as his heart slowed. He sat up, gently pushing Sayu from his lap. "You should go to bed."

"You could-"

It was too much. Near shock his head and pulled away, telling himself he didn't miss the warmth immediately. "Get some rest." He left the room, leaving the door unlocked. As Near returned to the living room, he turned off all of the cameras and microphones, erasing the footage from the last hour. Then he leaned his head in his hands. "What have I done?" He wondered quietly. The answer was obvious. He let his feelings destroy any objectivity he might have had in the case.


	11. Chapter 11

When Near revealed that he planned on letting Sayu go, Light was overjoyed. He hugged his sister tight and sighed in relief. "Go home Sayu, you probably have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on. I managed to keep Mom and Dad in the dark but-"

Sayu insisted on staying. "I want to find Kira with you," She said. "I want to make sure he's brought to justice."

Immediately Light pulled back, he held Sayu at arm's length and shook his head. "Absolutely not. You've been through enough." He glared at Near, who was watching their conversation from the corner of his eyes.

"But I-"

"Sayu, go home and get some rest." Light forced her backpack into her hands and turned her towards the door.

"I promise I can-"

"Just go home Sayu." Near didn't meet her gaze as he spoke. He pointedly looked at the intricate tower of dice in front of him on the floor. Sayu's lower lip trembled. She thought of the previous night. Pulling away from her brother and walked over to Near. His eyes flashed to her briefly as she knelt next to him.

"I can help." She reached out and was relieved when Near let her take his hand.

"You don't need to be involved in this any longer," Near said. Sayu drew his hand up to her mouth and gently kissed his fingertips. That got Near's attention. He looked over to her. "Sayu, we will find Kira." Reaching out, Near gently stroked her cheek. "Don't worry."

"I'm more worried about not hearing from you and you-"

"What if I stay with you?" Near said. His offer caused her to draw in a surprised gasp. "Okay?" Sayu nodded, leaning forward to kiss him. "I'm sorry," He repeated again, too quietly for Light to hear.

On Sayu's walk home, she once again had the nagging feeling that she was forgetting something. She passed the post office, staring at it with an unsure look. When she got home, she went to her computer and checked her search history. "Why was I researching a prosecutor?" She wondered, clicking through information about Teru Mikami. "He's a Kira worshipper." Sayu chewed on her lip with a worried expression and then cleared all search history. She hurried to email her friends and professors from her classes to try to get caught up on schoolwork.

True to his word, Near was at her door a little after midnight. Yawning, Sayu walked over and opened the door. Before she could say anything, he was in her arms, hugging her tightly. Sayu closed the door with her foot, kissing him once he raised his face.

"Did you-"

"Let's not talk about the Kira case."

"Okay."

Even with her life falling into perfect pieces, Sayu couldn't escape the nagging feeling that something was wrong. She thought about the gaps in her memories as Near curled close to her side, sleeping lightly. There was something wrong. It all stemmed back to that Kira worshipper: Teru Mikami. Sayu closed her eyes and nuzzled her face against Near's. He shifted in his sleep, muttering something unintelligible. With a sigh, Sayu tried her best to ease her worries and forget everything Kira related.

There was a light dusting of snow on the ground. Sayu strolled through it, glancing back to look at her footprints behind her. With a pleased hum, she turned and hurried forward, running through the open field. "Sayu! Don't go too far!" Turning, Sayu caught sight of her older brother. He hurried to catch up with her, catching her arm. "Don't run off by yourself!"

"Sorry!" Sayu said in a sing-song voice. "I just wanted to see-" She broke off. Why was she running? She turned and looked across the field. The horizon seemed to stretch on forever. "What was I doing?" The pressure on her arm disappeared. Sayu turned back and found herself in a hallway, before a familiar door. She frowned and pushed it open. The room was bright. "Hello?"

A man sat alone at the table in the center of the room. His wild black hair hide his eyes as he shifted into a crouching position. "Ah, Sayu Yagami, the younger of the Yagami siblings."

"Ryuzaki?"

Stepping forward, Sayu reached out to him. He said nothing as Sayu touched his cheek. The room seemed darker.

"I wanted to see you. That's why I was running."

A mischievous smile crossed his face. "You always liked me better."

"Ryuzaki."

"Won't you call me by my real name?"

Sayu's heart pounded in her chest. The room seemed like it was spinning. "L," She said quietly. She pulled her hand back and stared down. It was bloody. Sayu screamed and fell back, eyes darting up in time to see L's body falling to the ground. Blood covered one side of his face. A gun clattered to the ground. "No! L!"

It was still dark when Sayu's eyes flew open. Her chest heaved. She pulled away from Near, stumbling out of bed. "What's wrong?"

Hugging herself tight, Sayu shook her head. She stumbled into the kitchen. "I'm just thirsty." Rinsing the bile in her throat down with a glass of cold water, Sayu stared out the window at the dark night sky. Apparently her nightmares hadn't left her yet. 

When Sayu returned to school Mahiko and Yukari were the first to rush to her side. "Sayu!" Yukari said, eyes wide. "Where have you been?"

"We were so worried about you!" Mahiko added, grasping Sayu's hands tight in her own.

"I was really sick," Sayu said. "I'm sorry, I should have texted you back, but I was just really out of it." She bowed her head and her friends exchanged worried glances. "I promise everything is better now."

"If you say so," Mahiko said. "You'd tell us if something was really wrong, right?"

Nodding, Sayu's eyes shifted to glance away. "I would. Everything's fine. Don't worry about me."

As they were talking, Sayu overheard a nearby conversation. "Kira's killing a lot of people now," One of her classmates whispered. "I guess SakuraTV is planning on starting a whole religion dedicated to him."

"Kira?" Sayu spoke up. The two men jumped in surprise. "Why would anyone worship Kira?"

"Well, a lot of people say that he's helping the world," Mahiko said. She gulped, lowering her eyes to the ground. "Crime rates have been falling drastically."

"I could see Kira being a god," Someone else added.

"Kira is causing nothing but pain and misery!" All eyes turned to Sayu. "You are idiots for condoning his behavior!" With her hands clenched, Sayu continued, "Especially now, Kira is killing whoever he pleases. He's killed criminals who have done nothing more than steal! This is not the world I want to live in!"

"Sayu, are you-"

"Have you ever thought of those people's families?" Sayu demanded. Her classmates fell silent. "How many of the people Kira's killed had children, wives, husbands, lovers that were left devastated in the wake of their death? Sure, some of those people were truly awful, but a lot of them may have just made on minor mistake." Tears in her eyes, Sayu thought of L who tried so hard to capture Kira, who killed himself because of Kira. "You are all condoning a serial killer!"

Silence filled the room. Several of her classmates stared downward. Most of them turned away, avoiding her gaze. Both Mahiko and Yukari looked shocked. "Where did all of that come from?" Yukari asked.

Sayu turned on her. "My brother's fiancée killed himself because of Kira." Yukari's eyes widened in surprise. "Maybe all of you should think twice before praising him so freely."

"Sayu I'm sorry!"

"That's why you've been gone?"

The apologies were meaningless. Sayu knew she hadn't really changed their opinions of Kira. She accepted their hugs and crocodile tears. Once the professor entered, Sayu happily took her seat. She was more than thrilled to throw herself into her schoolwork. Anything to take her mind off of Kira. She clenched her pencil tight in her hand. Kira had ruined everything.

 

 

  

Grief affected everyone differently. Near watched with a curious stare as Light threw himself into the Kira case. He barely slept, often still working when Near went home. "There's something here," Light said. "There's something we're missing." He stood and paced across the room, hair falling over his eyes as he continued, "Kira's attitude has changed. He went from killing violent criminals to killing anyone who commits even the most minor crime!"

Near did not voice the most obvious reason for that change. He remained quiet, building his tower of dice.

"I've looked over every victim, searching for a pattern, but there is none! This Kira just kills indiscriminately."

Even if Light wouldn't admit it, Near could tell he agreed with their base theory. The power of Kira had shifted to someone new. It had been over a week since Sayu was released. Everything they found since then was nothing but dead ends. Near watched as Light's frustration grew, his perfect façade crumbling around him. He had become more irritable, snapping at others easily. Then, there were times when Near would quietly enter the room and Light would be sobbing, his head in his hands as he cried.

The secret to the Kira case all revolved around L's death. Near hadn't known L for very long, but he began to wonder why L would kill himself. He never seemed like the type that sought suicide out as an answer to his problems. Not only that, but he was so insistent on having his and Light's wedding the day after. "Why would you kill yourself?" Near spoke aloud. He looked to the picture frame laid down on the desk. Near picked it up, staring at the photographed faces of Light, Sayu, and L. "It doesn't make sense." Near turned and faced Watari, who was still awake. "Do you think L had suicidal tendencies?"

With a solemn look, Watari considered the question. Then, the founder of Wammy's house, the one who knew L since he was a young boy shook his head. "No. It struck me as odd. I know that L was feeling depressed, certainly as anyone would if they found out the truth about something as horrible as-" Watari broke off, watching his words carefully around Near. "L was not the kind to give up."

"No, he wasn't."

That train of thought led Near to question Light as to what occurred the day of L's death. "You went out to lunch with your sister correct?" Near asked. Light met his inquisitive gaze with cold eyes. "Did anything happen at that lunch?"

"No." Light turned away, hair falling into his eyes.

Near continued stacking his dice. "Are you absolutely sure?"

With a heavy sigh, Light snapped back, "What does it matter?"

"What did the two of you discuss at lunch?"

Balling his hands into fists, Light looked murderous. He stood abruptly and Near wondered for a split second if he was going to hit him. Then, Light let out a resigned sigh. "I told her L's real name." Regret oozed from every word. "I wrote it down in her journal." Light hung his head in shame. "Kira needs a face and name to kill," Light said, speaking barely loud enough for Near to hear. "So, naturally, I already considered the fact that somehow Kira may have learned L's name from our interaction."

"But you didn't tell Sayu that the man she knew as Ryuzaki was L?" Near asked and Light shook his head. With a quiet hum, Near placed the last dice atop his tower. "I see." A theory was forming in his mind. He only needed a few more pieces of evidence to prove it.

 

 

 

 

It was Halloween. Sayu lingered by the window and watched as costume clad teenagers and adults headed to parties across the city. She walked back to the desk, hugging herself tight. Sitting in the chair, Sayu looked to her corkboard. She reached over and touched one of the pictures. It was of her, Light, and L at that time last year. All of them had silly birthday hats on. Sayu plucked the picture off the board, holding it tight. "Why did you die?" The edges of the picture crumbled as Sayu grasped it harder. "Why do I feel so guilty about it?"

With an anguished cry, Sayu ripped the photo in half. She threw the pieces away, watching them drift to the floor. Turning back to her desk, Sayu knocked her books to the ground.

"I'm not Kira!" She cried out.

The pictures taunted her. Sayu grabbed another one and ripped it in half. She pulled the corkboard off the wall.

"You were wrong!"

Sayu ripped another picture in half, watching the pieces scatter around her onto the floor.

"You killed yourself for nothing!"

The corkboard became bare as Sayu destroyed her once precious memories. Her hands trembled as she ripped apart photo after photo until all that was left was pictures of her and Light or her and her friends. Nothing was left of L.

"You left us all behind for nothing!"

Lowering her head into her hands, Sayu sobbed. She curled up tight and shook her head. It was too much. Any other day, she managed to keep herself together, but there were too many memories all flooding back to her. She raised her head, reaching for her phone. Light didn't answer.

 

 

 

Public support for Kira was growing. Near was sitting on the couch with Sayu's head in his lap as he idly folded papers into an assortment of flowers. The channels flipped by until the tune of a familiar show came on. "Welcome to Kira's Kingdom!"

"Perhaps they should have stayed with that young woman rather than Demegawa," Near said with a slight sneer.

Before Sayu could change the channel, Demegawa continued speaking and caught the pair's attention. "Today we are unveiling our plan for our tribute to Kira!" A three-dimensional rendered model flashed onto the screen. "Donations for the project have become and the money is rolling in!"

"That's disgusting," Sayu whispered. Near reached down and smoothed his hand over her hair, playing with the soft locks.

"Along with our new kingdom we will strong leadership. Allow me to introduce our new leaders!" As the spotlight shone on the first man, his face contorted and he dropped to the ground. "Uh, we will-" The second man died. "No!" Demegawa's face twisted in shock.

"Is Kira killing them?" Near asked with wide eyes. Sayu sat up. They watched in horor as the Kira worshippers died one by one. Then the screen went black. "Why would Kira kill his own followers?"

"They were innocent!" Tears filled Sayu's eyes as she spoke, "How could Kira do such a thing? What is wrong with him?"

"Perhaps killing criminals has gotten old."

"No! This isn't right! It isn't right!"

"Nothing Kira's done has been right." Near turned to Sayu with a calculating look. He judged her tear-filled expression, noting the guilt on her face. While she didn't remember anything, Near was sure she still felt something at the very least. "This also indicates something very interesting. Kira no longer needs a name to kill. He murdered those men after seeing just their faces!"

"Does it matter? Kira's unstoppable!" Sayu turned the TV off and stood, hurrying away as she hugged herself tight. "This is awful."

"Sayu-"

"I feel so hopeless."

Sayu's words struck a chord in Near. He slowly stood and walked over to her. After a moment's hesitation he reached out and touched her cheek, turning her head towards him. She met his gaze and leaned forward, wrapping her hands in his hair.

"I will catch Kira."

Sayu's eyes were falling shut as she pulled him to her.

"Light and I have found compelling evidence towards Kira's possible identity."

Near wasn't sure if it was him or Sayu that was shaking. She kissed him slowly, lips shifting against his for a long time.

"Kira is clearly willing to kill whomever he pleases," Sayu whispered. "Be careful."

"Yes of course."

"I can't lose you, okay?"   

Near did not voice his own fears. Once they discovered Kira then they would learn how Sayu lost the power. Rather than speaking, Near pulled her closer and continued to kiss her, drowning out the warnings in his head.

 

 

 

In the morning Sayu found herself outside of a prestigious law firm. Watching Kira kill his own supporters haunted her and she knew that there was something in her memories that she couldn't quite explain. She pulled her hat down, glancing towards various cameras. It should be good enough to hide her face. She strolled through the doors and spoke with the receptionist. "Hi," She said with a smile. "My name's Aiko Ohori. I'd like to see Teru Mikami."

"One moment please." The receptionist typed away. She glanced at Sayu with a smile. "You're in luck. His schedule's free." Sayu nodded, bowing her head slightly. "Wait a few minutes and then I'll send you up."

The prosecutor's office was pristine. Sayu stepped lightly, glancing around the room as she walked inside. "Hello," Teru Mikami said. He glanced up at her, eyes dangerously blank from behind his glasses. "How may I help you?" Sayu sat in the chair before him. Her pulse quickened as she glanced around the room. She wasn't sure how to explain. "First, I suppose I should ask why you gave my receptionist a fake name."

"What?" Sayu met Mikami's gaze. She stiffened, sitting up straight as possible. "My name is Aiko Ohori. I-"

"No, your name is Sayu Yagami."

A shiver went down Sayu's spine. She gulped and her eyes flickered from her lap back to the man sitting before her. He slowly pulled off his glasses and set them aside. To Sayu's surprise, his expression was filled with excitement.

"It was a test, wasn't it?"

Sayu remained entirely still as Mikami slid open a drawer on his desk. He pulled out a slim black notebook. For some reason, it's appearance startled Sayu. She stared at it with a suspicious gaze.

"You wanted me to recognize you, right? To test my loyalty."

Mikami slid the notebook towards her. Something drew her to touch it and she reached out, grasping it tight in her hands.


	12. Chapter 12

Memories of the Death Note flooded Sayu, causing her to gasp from a mixture of surprise and pain. She remembered writing every name in the book, remembered Ryuk, remembered killing L. Her hands trembled as she raised her eyes and looked to Mikami. When Sayu decided to give up the Death Note, she entrusted it to him. She remembered walking into that post office and mailing it to him the day of L's funeral. Gulping, Sayu smothered down her fear.

"God," Mikami said quietly. "The shinigami seemed to think you wouldn't seek me out." The smile on his face scared Sayu. She clutched the Death Note close and her eyes darted to Ryuk, who looked amused. "So I looked for you. I traced you back to the post office and found you through the security footage." His smile widened as he leaned across the desk. "You came to praise me right? I've carried out your will, killing those who make this world unclean. I've-"

"You killed those innocent people on TV last night!" Sayu interrupted. Mikami looked confused until she continued, "On Sakura TV? The Kira's Kingdom program?"

"They were making a mockery of your cause." Mikami dismissed her worries with a shake of his head. "I would argue they were hardly innocent." It was clear that he had no issue killing those that got in the way of Kira. "It also seems that L is still investigating the Kira killings. I noticed I was being tailed yesterday, though I couldn't see the person's face."

Terror rose up in Sayu. It had to have been Light that was following Mikami. Near would never put himself at risk like that. "Oh?" She said, feigning mild concern. "What will you do about that?"

"Clearly those who seek to arrest me are defying you, defying God. They must die. I won't let anyone get in the way of your vision for this world. It's come together so well and I won't let it stop now." Sayu was shaking as she stood. She stepped back, towards the door. "God?"

"Don't call me that!"

It was if she had struck him. Mikami stared back with a confused look. "But-"

"I was wrong to trust you!" If Sayu left the Death Note in Mikami's hands, he would kill Light. He could kill Near. He had already shown that he traded with Ryuk for the shinigami eyes. Sayu's eyes darted to the shinigami. A smile crossed his face as he chuckled under his breath. "I'm sorry, but I'm taking the Death Note back!"

"What?" Mikami was on his feet in an instant. "But I've followed all of your plans for this world. I've been ridding it of evil. I've helped so much! How could you forsake me God?" The man fell to his knees at Sayu's feet. "Please, forgive me! I'll only act under your instructions from now on! I can-"

"No!" Sayu screamed back. "Forget it!" She turned and ran from the office, hurrying down the stairs and out the front door, past the startled receptionist.

Once Sayu was out of breath, she flipped open the Death Note, pulling out a pen. Frustrated tears pooled at the corners of her eyes as she wrote Teru Mikami into the Death Note. Time ticked by and within a few minutes, Ryuk was back at her side.

"How heartless," The shinigami said with a laugh. "I wouldn't have expected that from you."

 Sayu clutched the Death Note tight and looked to Ryuk. "I couldn't trust him. He could have killed Light or Near!"

"He probably would have," Ryuk said with a shrug. "But what are you going to do now? Go back to being Kira?"

Clutching the Death Note tight, Sayu shook her head. "I don't know."

The bitter fall air stung Sayu's cheeks as she walked through the park. She couldn't bring herself to go home. Sitting on a park bench, Sayu flipped through the pages of names that Mikami had written. They were precise, the exact same number each day. Sayu sighed and closed the Death Note, tucking it into her bag. "Ryuk?"

"What's up?"

"You said that you'll be the one to kill me, right?" Sayu looked at the shinigami. She stared the cause of her death in the face and continued, "If I ask you to, will you kill me?"

"I guess," Ryuk said with a shrug. "You eager to die?"

"Near and Light have already been tailing Mikami," Sayu said quietly. "It's only a matter of time before they realize-" She broke off and sighed.

Turning to look around the park, Sayu watched families and couples. They all looked so happy. She breathed out again, watching the air billow around her in a thick condensed cloud. If she hadn't found the Death Note life would have been so much different. It would have been better. Sayu closed her eyes and leaned her head back. She thought of L, reflecting back on the first few times she met him.

"Are we just going to sit here?" Ryuk asked. "This is boring."

"Ryuk, I want to make the shinigami eye deal." Sayu turned her head to look at the shinigami. He looked surprised.

"Why?" He asked. It was the first time Sayu ever caught him off guard.

"My life is ending soon anyway. I might as well have it."

At first nothing seemed to change. Then Sayu blinked and all of a sudden she was surrounded by names and numbers. She drew in a sharp breath, looking around her. "The numbers are people's lifespans?"

"Yeah, but a human couldn't understand them."

Sayu hummed quietly to herself, continuing to watch the people. At that moment, she actually felt a bit like a god. Though she made a pathetic god, one that couldn't even handle her own power. She sighed and leaned her head back. "A person could destroy entire countries with a Death Note. They could randomly kill hundreds of strangers."

"I'm sure people have. This isn't the first time a Death Note has been dropped into the human realm." Ryuk perched on the bench, flapping his wings lightly. "All humans have different views on how to use it." Sayu nodded, staring up at the grey sky.

As it began to get dark the people dispersed from the park. Snow started to drift down and flakes settled on Sayu's hair and eyelashes. For the moment, Sayu was content in sitting there. She heard footsteps approach and looked over. Standing before her was Near, though a different name floated above his head.

"You don't seem to be making any attempt to escape Kira," Nate River said.

"Don't call me that," Sayu said softly.

With his fingers outstretched, Near stared her down with a cold expression. "Give me the notebook." Sayu glanced away, clenching her hands in her lap. She wondered what it would have been like to be Sayu River. Would she have taken his last name? Would that be too much of a security risk for him? "Kira." Sayu couldn't meet Near's gaze.

"I was trying to do the right thing," Sayu said quietly.

"All you are is a cold-hearted murderer." Near twirled a piece of his hair around his finger while he spoke. "You may not have thought of yourself as a god, but you still acted like one. You used that Death Note without remorse and-"

"I have plenty of remorse! I was trying to make the world a better place!"

Tears stung at Sayu's cheeks. She wiped them away and let out a shaky sigh. Reaching into her bag, Sayu grabbed the Death Note. She looked back to Near and held it out, hands trembling. He took it and immediately his eyes darted to Ryuk.

"I'm sorry," Sayu said, voice shaking. "I wish I had never gone to Mikami's office. I would have never regained my memories and we would have been happy!"

"I would recognize your handwriting." Near opened the notebook and flipped through the pages.

"Near I-"

"Give up ownership of the Death Note."

Surprised, Sayu tilted her head to one side. "What?" She asked. Despite his best attempt at a neutral expression, Near's mask began to crack. "You want me to-"

"I want you. That's it. Give up your memories of the Death Note. I will keep it in my possession, locked away for everyone's safety or maybe I'll destroy it. I haven't decided yet." Near's voice shook as he spoke. He closed the Death Note and tucked it under his shirt.

Shaking her head, Sayu lowered her gaze. She considered it for a brief moment. Thinking of the past few weeks made her smile. She woke up every morning with Near by her side. She could feel his touch across her skin as the wind blew. He would kiss her and she felt alive. Yet, even without the Death Note, Sayu was haunted by it. It was clear in the way she wake up screaming in the middle of the night. It was clear when she destroyed her apartment and ended up sobbing in agony on the floor.

"No," Sayu said and she did not regret her quiet decision.

"No? Why?"

"The memories of the Death Note will go away, but the emotions won't. I'll live with the guilt for the rest of my life."

Stepping closer, Near walked over and brushed his fingers against Sayu's cheek. She looked up at him, surprised at the soft look in his eyes. "Please," He whispered. Again, Sayu shook her head. "I don't want to lose you."

"Aren't I a cold-hearted murderer?"

"Sayu isn't," Near said.

With a laugh, Sayu pulled away. She stood and shoved past Near, hugging herself tight. "You fell in love with me Near," she said quietly. "before I lost my memories of the Death Note. If you'll even admit that you love me!" Sayu turned and stared at him. "Kira and Sayu aren't different people! I'm the same person! I am the one who killed thousands of people. I killed L!" Near's eyes widened in surprise. "The Death Note can be used to kill people any way you want. I made him commit suicide. I tricked Light into writing his name!"

"I see, I knew that his suicide was suspicious."

"What will you tell him then? I'm assuming you know because of the security footage in Mikami's office." Sayu met Near's gaze and he looked away. "He won't be happy when he finds out."

"I could not tell him."

"I can't live with this guilt," Sayu's voice became quiet. She turned and looked up at the sky, holding out a hand to collect the snowflakes. Everything seemed so fragile. She looked to Near, who stared at her with the same heartbroken expression that L wore the day he confronted her. "L tried to offer me the same thing. He was willing to let me be free as long as I stopped killing. What kind of twisted moral system did you two share?"

 Lowering his eyes, Near stared at the ground.

"You're both selfish," Sayu said. "Both of you were too weak to stop me, so I'll have to stop myself." Her voice trembled as she looked to Ryuk. The shinigami almost looked sad.  "Ryuk," Sayu said quietly. "You know what to do." She turned and began to walk away. In the background, she heard the faint scratching of a pen on paper.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

There were forty seconds to go. Sayu counted them with her footsteps as she hurried away.

"The shinigami has a Death Note as well?"

Thirty seconds left.

"Sayu wait!"

Twenty seconds left. Sayu heard as Near ran after her.

"Sayu!"

Ten seconds left.

"I don't want you to die! I love you Sayu!"

Shocked, Sayu turned on her heel and met Near's expression. His eyes were wide and he grimaced as if he was in pain. Time was up. There was a burning pain in both of Sayu's arms. Her breath caught in her chest as she fell forward.

"Sayu!"

Near caught her in his arms. Both of them sunk to the ground. Sayu's chest erupted in pain and she gasped. Near's hand was on her cheek and she felt his tears fall onto her cheeks. "Tell Light," Sayu whispered. The world was fading around her. "I'm...sorry."

The last thing Sayu Yagami saw was Nate River's tear stained face. Sound faded away as her eyes fell shut. Though it almost looked like he was saying that he loved her again. It was a mistake on his part. They were destined to fail from the very beginning.

 

 

 

It was snowing on the day of Sayu Yagami's funeral. Near chose not to tell her parents the truth about their daughter. Light knew of course. He stared ahead with a dull expression, no longer angry yet barely sad. Near watched him, thinking about how quickly Light's perfect life crumbled. Near did not cry at the funeral. He had already done all of his crying as he cradled Sayu's dead body.

Lowering his eyes, Near stared at the ground. The Death Note had been burned. He set fire to it immediately after they closed the case. Watching the names burn away was somewhat cathartic. It was even better to be rid of the shinigami. Near glanced at Watari. They had situated themselves near the back of the crowd so they could slip away unnoticed. The old man nodded to Near and they turned to leave.

Twirling his hair around his finger, Near said quietly, "I did something I regret." Watari glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. "I tried to make her give up ownership of the Death Note. I thought that if she lost her memories again-" Near broke off and stared down. "We're lucky that Kira wasn't an evil person. My feelings compromised this entire case. Had she wanted to kill me, it would have been so easy."

"Is there anyone who is truly good or truly evil?" Watari asked. "It's hard to say." Near looked to him, watching his mentor's face with a searching gaze. "Sayu Yagami made her choices just as L and you made yours. You all sought different things and all clashed together in this battle. Could this have happened differently? Perhaps. Would Sayu have still killed L if she knew who he really was? It's hard to say."

"It's over now. Hopefully no Death Note will ever fall into the hands of someone ever again."

Watari nodded. Together the pair of them got into the car and left. Near watched the passing skyline from the window. He picked up the tarot card deck on the seat beside him and flipped the top card over. It revealed the Lovers.


	13. Bonus Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sort bonus chapter from Light's POV. A word of warning, it does describe L's suicide.

When Light finished showering, L was still in bed. He frowned slightly. It was strange for L to sleep in so late. He walked over at sat on the bed, staring down at him with a concerned look. L glanced up with a blank expression. "Why aren't you getting up?" Light asked. "Shouldn't you be working on the Kira case?"

"What's the point?" L said quietly.

Light leaned back on his hands. "I guess that's true. You already know who Kira is." Reaching over, Light ran his hand through L's hair. "You should tell me." L's stubborn refusal to reveal Kira's identity was beginning to bother Light. To his surprise, L rolled over, turning away from him. "What's wrong?"

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

With a sigh, L continued, "The sound of bells."

"Bells? What are you talking about?" A small smile came to Light's face. "Like a wedding?" He leaned over, kissing the side of L's head.

"No. It sounds like a funeral."

A chill went down Light's spine. He reached over to L's shoulder and gently pushed, urging him to roll over. L obeyed, laying on his back. He stared up at Light with a melancholic expression on his face. "What's wrong?" Light repeated again. L looked away. Leaning down, Light pressed his lips against L's in a delicate kiss. He stroked the side of his face, smiling as L wrapped his arms around his neck to keep him there.

"It's nothing," L said. "Please forgive my ramblings." He sat up, kissing Light again. "What do you have planned for today?" He hugged Light, tucking his head into the crook of his neck.

With a smile, Light reached up and stroked L's hair. "Well I was going to go to lunch with Sayu." L tensed up. "What?"

"Nothing."

Ignoring Light's quiet noise of protest, L slipped out of his arms and headed toward the bathroom. "Have a good lunch."

"Don't you want to go?" Light asked, standing quickly. He caught L's wrist. "You don't get to see Sayu that often. Plus, weren't you going to tell her that you're L?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Lunch isn't for another several hours." 

"I won't be hungry then either."

"L, something is clearly bothering you. Why don't you just tell me?" Exasperation slipped into Light's voice. He tugged hard on L's wrist, pulling him back to him. L looked up and met his gaze. "Tell me what's wrong!"

"I feel a little sick," L said. "That's all."

It might have been childish of him, but Light dropped L's wrist and stormed out of the room. "Fine, lie to me. I don't care!" He slammed the door behind him. He scolded himself, but didn't turn back. It wasn't his fault that L wouldn't act like an adult and talk to him. He walked into the kitchen. The order for the flowers sat on the counter. With a small smile, Light shook his head. He needed to calm down. 

When Sayu asked if L was alright, Light lied to her. He couldn't admit that he didn't even know what was going through his own fiance's mind. He let Sayu tease him and grudgingly wrote down L's name for her, imagining L's small smile as he did so. It wouldn't hurt. Sayu would find out the truth at their wedding the next day. He couldn't wait to see her shocked expression. After she found out, Light would feel a little less guilty about revealing L's true name.

On his way home, Light passed by a small bakery. He peeked in at the assortment of cakes and sighed. It wouldn't hurt to have chocolate cake for dinner once even if they would be gorging themselves with sweets the following day. He went in and purchased the most expensive cake there. It was the least he could do for L after being so callous that morning.

Their shared apartment was eerily quiet. Light walked in and set the cake on the table. "L?" He called. There was no response. Light wondered if Light was in the other apartment, working on the Kira case. "Hey are you home?" Light glanced at the clock. It was just before two. "L?"

The bedroom door was slightly agar. Light wondered with an irritated sigh if L had even gotten up all day. He walked over and pushed over the door, intent on scolding L when he froze in shock. The suitcase with L's gun was open on the bed and L sat on the opposite side, with his back to Light. The gun was in his hand. It was pointed right at his own head.

"L! Stop!"

A single gunshot rang out. As L crumpled onto the bed, Light raced forward, catching him with an agonized scream.

"No!"

The majority of people who shot themselves died. Light couldn't help but think about that as he cradled L in his arms, hand smoothing his bangs back to look into his eyes. They were cold and unfocused. Light held back a sob. Blood soaked his shirt as he cradled L's body close. Light screamed again, squeezing his eyes shut as his whole body shook.

"Why? You said you'd never leave me you damn liar. You said nothing was wrong." Tears streamed down his face. "I shouldn't have left. I should have stayed with you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Light pressed his forehead against L's. His skin was sticky with blood and already felt cool to the touch. "I love you. Don't leave me. Please."

Quiet footsteps followed by a sharp intake of breath indicated that Near had heard the gunshot and rushed over. "L?" He said quietly. Light sobbed, unable to answer him. It felt like a part of him had died with the man he held in his arms.

"L!" Watari rushed past Near. He fell to his knees before the bed, reaching out to feel for a pulse.

"He's dead!" Light snapped, clutching L's body tight. "Why would he kill himself?"

"I don't know," Watari said softly. He reached out to place a comforting hand on Light's shoulder, but he jerked away. "I'm sorry Light." Tears were at the corners of Watari's eyes. He wiped them away with a brush of his fingers. Near walked over, hovering behind Watari. His eyes were wide. It was the first time he actually looked his age.

Ignoring them, Light squeezed his eyes shut. His whole body shook as he cried. He was so close to being happy, to having everything he ever wanted. "What did I do wrong?" Light whispered. "Why did you leave me? Why weren't you happy?"

"Light, it wasn't your fault," Near said.

Yet it was, Light thought with a bitter laugh. "I should have stayed here with him! I knew something was wrong this morning!"

"Light-"

"This is all my fault, it's all my fault."   

 

 

 

The murder weapon was a black notebook with "Death Note" written across the cover. Light reached out and touched the book, faintly recognizing the sudden appearance of the shinigami. He didn't care.

"All the names are there," Near said. "This is most certainly how Kira was killing."

"How my little sister was killing," Light said. He sighed and opened the notebook. Immediately, a loose page caught his attention. He pulled it out of the book and gasped in shock. Written in his neat handwriting was L's real name. Next to it was the explicit directions. Light read aloud, " 'L Lawliet will shoot himself at two this afternoon.' "

"Sayu tricked you into writing L's name into the Death Note," Near said, not meeting Light's gaze.

Dropping the page, Light stood, backing away from the notebook. "I killed him," Light said, eyes wide in shock. "I-" He broke off, tears welling up in his eyes. "How could I be so stupid?" His agony was replaced quickly by fury. "Where is she?" His words came out as a snarl. "You just let her get away?"

"Sayu is dead," Near said simply.

Time seemed to stop. Light's eyes widened as Near stared at the ground, twirling his hair around his finger. "Dead?"

"She made the shinigami kill her."

Sayu was dead. Light froze, staring back over at the Death Note. Kira was dead. The case was over. It only cost him his sister and the love of his life. Trembling, Light walked over and picked up the Death Note again. He clutched it tight in his hands before throwing it down onto the ground and storming into the kitchen.

"Light, what are you doing?"

Ignoring Near, Light grabbed a lighter from one of the drawers. He didn't look at the shinigami as he walked back over and snapped the fire to life.

"Wait, don't-"

As Near tried to stop him, Light shoved him back nearly sending him toppling over. "Who cares if we destroy it?" Light asked, dropping the lighter onto the notebook. After a few moments, it caught fire and began to burn. "This notebook destroyed my life! It destroyed everything I had." Light faintly realized he was crying as both Watari and Near's gazes softened. "No one else needs to know it even existed."

Near nodded. "Agreed," he said. "And if there is ever another case like this, we will know what we're looking for."

Together they watched the notebook burn and crumble into ashes. It was over.

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays. As always thanks for any kudos and comments.


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